Summer Ends

In two days I go back to receiving my formal education. Ya, fucking, hoo.

This summer, I got my act together. I got my license and in about a week, I will be putting my very own car on the road. I will be independent and not worrying about anything, and doing what I want, on my time, with my money.

I bought all of my own clothes for school, and I took on fully my portion of the phone bill. Unlike Charles, I can handle bills, and take care of a checkbook. I act my age when necessary, and I've never been in a hurry to be older than I really am.

In about a year I will be heading off to school, I won't be home, and I'll actually be able to call all of the shots in my life. I can't wait.

It seems that a recent affair has led me to be baffled between my dream, and a romance. Love awaits me in Atlanta, where if I go to school there, I'll have to choose a completely different career path. My dream awaits me in Manhattan, the center of commerce where I'll have to open myself to a whole new network of people, and go to the school that I've dreamed of going to for the past year.

At times I feel that if I choose my dream job, I'll be so in love with my job that I'll end up being alone in my house with my millions, and a hairless cat. And now that a lover is making me question my dream, I feel he may be worth it. Maybe he's the new dream.

Through growing up, I'm still faced with some of my teenage issues and childish desires. I don't think I'll ever stop being so unrealistic.

The Texan

It was late Sunday night, and I had been home for several hours before my phone rang. The phone caught me completely off guard, and I didn't even have time to have the usual "I hope this is something interesting," thought. I looked at the phone, and it was Sonian--a reoccurring lover.

I met Sonian in 2008, when I still used MySpace. We had completely innocent interactions when we first began talking. But as time progressed, our conversations did too. I noticed eventually, that every conversation become more stimulating. I could feel my emotions being attached to him. Every time he texted or called my heart would beat faster each time. But come summer's end, our two-month foundation had dissipated into school books and real life.

As I grew socially in school, I wilted socially on the Internet. And I began to drop friends accidentally, and it was a downward spiral from there. But every now and again I would call Sonian and see how he was, or he would randomly pick up the phone and call me. Even though I knew it was real, I was skeptical.

It was near Christmas when I first told him I loved him. We would talk for hours and hours. He and I would discuss our futures together. We would talk about how perfect our love would be with perfect jobs, living in New York City, and never being sad or upset another day or either of our lives. I found every word that left his lips intriguing. I thought everything he said was ridiculously, overwhelmingly, adorable and sincere.

When he got a hold of me a few nights ago, he started with the charm immediately. He told me he had something to tell me, and of course I told him I was all ears, and that I was ready when he was. And he replied, "No, Guess!" I knew he had something cute to say. But I couldn't help but think he wanted to call for phone sex. But I had remembered that he told me he planned to go to New York City after graduation (this year). So I used that as my guess.

Conveniently I was right. He told me he was going to be coming for a week sometime after June 5th, but before the end of June. Less than a month. We spoke for another hour and the forever burning embers caught one small tree on fire, to ignite a forest fire that put any fire in California to shame.

It was more beautiful than ever to be able to say I Love You to him again. This reoccurring romance might have a chance to try to be more than a virtual forest fire. The only reason it's note-worthy is because we didn't break contact. This love has taken it's toll...