Amy Winehouse

Today, Amy Winehouse was found dead in her London home.

While her death is sad and disappointing to most, others find it to be no surprise. Although Police said that the cause of death is 'undetermined' it is assumed by most that she had overdosed.

The people who are making assumptions (whether they be crude, serious or otherwise) on her cause of death are being inappropriate not to mention disrespectful. Death isn't something to joke about even if it is extremely ironic.

On the other end of the spectrum we have the super saddened 'fans'. Many, many people from nobodies, all the way up to the A-Listers are commenting on her death as 'the loss of one of the best artists of our time'. I think every artist is a great artist in their own way. Just because she was 27 and semi-mainstream doesn't mean that it's a larger loss than an artist who never had the chance to record.

I did a little investigation of my own to find out exactly how many of the people who had posted about their great loss actually thought of her as one of their favorite artists before she deceased. I found about 25 posts on Facebook about her death (that weren't making a mockery of it). Of those 25 people who posted, only one of them had Amy Winehouse mentioned in their 'Info' page. Funny thing is, he had been to rehab before and bragged about it. I personally think he had her in there so people would associate him with her.

Of those 25 people, about 10 of them liked her page TODAY. They didn't think about her at all as their favorite musician until her death.

It's just perplexing to me how you can claim so much love for something once it's gone. In a few short weeks, her death will be something of the past and we won't think about it until this day comes next year.

I posted my favorite Amy Winehouse song, Back To Black on Facebook to celebrate her life. I don't want to mourn, nor do I feel obligated to because I never knew her personally. She was a great musician and visionary, and I respect that.

Le Sigh

When I woke up this morning my room was colder than expected. On top of this I have been having odd dreams almost every night. Waking up physically and emotionally uncomfortable.

I went upstairs to get a cup of coffee to find that Aneta and Madame Dupont had already woken up. Antea let me know that it was snowing and blah blah blah. She said she shoveled some of the driveway and the back deck. I didn't really care because I knew I would be doing the majority of the driveway alone.

Today was also payday so I had plans to get my money and go shopping. When I went to go start on the driveway I noticed that she hardly shoveled. There was a 5'x8' space that was shoveled and had already accumulated a lot of snow. It wasn't even close to my car, really.

It took me a little over an hour to finish the whole thing. I hauled ass, and it really did take a toll on my body. I didn't complain to her one word. I shoveled it for me, and she didn't need to know that. I knew I was free to leave after completing what she knows is never a very fun task.

I said to her, "It's cool if I go get my check and go shopping right?"

She replied, "King Arthur called and said the roads were really bad, especially by the malls."

I thought, of course it's the worst by every local shopping center. I had replied, "I shoveled the whole driveway for you, because I knew you couldn't do it. I've had all week off from school and this is my only day off to have any fun."

Of course she caved. I'm broke, and I need my money.

My car was all over the road on the way there, and it was kind of fucking awesome.

Anyways, I got to the mall, and to no surprise FedEx had not arrived with the checks. I waited at the mall for 5 hours and although FedEx had delivered packages and such to other stores, none to ours.

My day is ruined, and Aneta didn't feel bad at all. I'm sure she thought to herself that I was getting some kind of karma for traveling in the storm.

I feel like Jennifer from Jennifer's Body when she hasn't eaten in a while. On top of that I feel unpopular, lonely, and poor.

I'm realizing my inner loser.

My Tears Rolled Into The Ocean

The tears I shed, and the sadness I occasionally feel just roll into a pit of previous emotions, much like water of the rivers that flow from the mountain tops, and are forgotten and blurred once they reach the ocean.

When I am struck with emotion of mostly any kind, it is fueled by sadness and desperation. Every previous event gets brought into my mind, and begins to escalate and create a more extreme emotion than that originally generated. Only I know how to please myself. I search for something with my eyes closed.

The Greeks thought that hope was evil personified. Seeing as hope is usually a wish against the grain of life, it comes to no surprise that Greek Mythology tells us this. Despite that some mythology states that one must not give up hope, since it calms all of life's other evils. On a day-to-day basis I open Pandora's box. Seemingly, nothing comes out except dust, and nothing is exposed except a dead spider, and a web it once called home.

I find myself released when I'm alone, or when I'm around those who know little of, or about me. When I'm in my bed alone at night, I think of happy things, all of the great little things. I don't feel how I was mistreated, or how I should have retaliated when I didn't. When alone in public, I almost feel notorious, since people see my standing freely, and seeing what I have portrayed myself as without other people near, forcing my image to become a shield.

I heard two people talking behind me in the hallway this afternoon after Algebra II and Trigonometry. The one girl said to the other in a confusingly sarcastic voice, "Work it! Work it girl!" Her friend replied, "He's so stylish though," and something else implying I was attractive. And the other said, "Oh I know." Once again I received the recognition that I should get, being my own personal character.

When I'm with people who are forever part of my life, I feel like they know too much and have invaded or violated a certain human right I have to my identity. I wish I could be as shut off as you, but I'm not.

Frequently, legislation is passed, and they fulfill their duty to make laws. It seems as if the President has a difficult time correctly carrying out these laws, and at times not even carrying out said laws. I am the President.