Anger

I've always known that I'm a generally aggressive person. I acknowledge the fact that I displace and suppress a lot of my anger, hate, and rage, in order to have better social interactions.

Today in Art Class, my teacher questioned me, "Why do you cuss so much?"

I was quick to excuse my crude vocabulary with, "If people didn't piss me off so much, I wouldn't have a reason to curse." I tend to think that I'm easily agitated. Now I'm sitting here thinking that maybe people are just stupid. Isn't that so disgustingly vain of me?

For the rest of the day after being questioned, I thought about who I'm usually mean towards and who I share my true sources of hate with. I'm mean to everyone, really. I'm mean to some of my coworkers, my friends at school, and the people I live with. The people who I'm NOT mean to though--those seem to be the far-and-few-between who don't piss me off.

If for some reason, there is a person who pisses me off and for one reason, or another and just can't help but piss me the fuck off, I just channel all that rage into something else. When this happens, I notice that I start to hate myself. It comes in many forms. It ranges anywhere from feeling fat or ugly, or even under-measuring my successes.

To branch out on another note--I noticed that although "people" piss me off, it's not their fault. A lot of the time I'm jealous, I want what they have.

So I guess "life's a bitch, and then you die."

It should be, "life's a bitch, and then you live miserable."

I was about to start a sentence with "Now I know that..." and then I realized that I have NO idea what I'm talking about. I sat and thought, "What the hell do I know?"

I just need realize that life isn't fair. I have to get the fuck over it and stop being so damn mean.

Work

I arrived at GAP Outlet around 1:50PM. I was 10 minutes early for my shift, which was only 5 hours long.

The day started off well since I wasn't zoning or on register. I was working with most of the people I don't like, until 3 new people that I don't really know at all came in shortly after. A manager that I always have to keep in check was closing, but that's alright since I really do enjoy running the store unofficially.

I was putting away clothes when I took a moment to listen to the music. The following lyrics played:

"I hate my job."

I can't say that I hate my job at all. As a matter of fact, I am IN LOVE with my job. I am a retail whore. I live for this shit on a daily basis. A lot of what I do is so that the store is a success. Most of my coworkers do their job because they get paid. In part, I show up for the check but genuinely I do adore the customers, the hustle and bustle, and the all around knowledge of knowing I made something happen.

Now I would proclaim that I am the best at my place of employment, but that wouldn't be fair to others. I have not been told that I am the best, and several other coworkers of mine have been voted employee of the month.

I am the self-proclaimed best person at GAP Outlet. I am able to do any task well, not to mention quickly. I'm efficient in everything I do. I know the dos and don'ts.

Good guys finish last? I forgot

It looks like I'm going to be waiting a little while for the recognition that I've earned.

At least I'm not holding my breath, waiting.