Tuesday, August 3, 2010


Alejandro is a beautiful man, with a wide jaw, and an even wider heart. I could gaze into his green eyes until I go blind. He drives me mad, and there's a terrible delight in my heart when he's around...

Yes, I am aware that disappointment lives around the corner from perfection.

When I first met Alejandro, I expected him to be just another work of art I could be best friends with for a night, but as the days progressed, we just clicked. We share everything, like real best friends do. He thinks I'm beautiful, and I think he is as well, but we both know we aren't compatible, so the lust is enough for the two of us.

Alejandro was dating Xavier, who hardly deserves a name as far as I'm concerned, up until three days ago. Alejandro has just moved into a large city in the South-Eastern United States, and feels like at age 20, he's too perfect and freshly out of the closet to be tied down at this time in his life. That was his reason for leaving Xavier, who thought the sun rose and set on Alejandro, and was then deceived. Xavier wasn't very interesting anyway, in my personal opinion.

Alejandro told me he was going through a hard time, and didn't think he'd get back in the ring soon. In such a context, soon, means less than 48 hours. My stupidity is showing, I know.


So two nights ago, he decided he was going to invite Alejandro's Man 1, over. They drank wine and "watched a movie." In gay language that means, make out and fondle one another. I can tell he's having a real HARD time.

The next night, last night, he invites Alejandro's Man 2, over. He's a hairdresser, who met up with him an hour late, and made him walk up a hill to meet him because he's a mother fucking pansy. Anyways, Alejandro let him stay the night too. Alejandro had to go to work this morning with hickeys up and down his neck. And it showed all day. Wear them like the trashy, rebound badges they are.

What makes me so upset is that someone who came out of the closet only a few months ago knows more gays than me, and has more gays who want to be with him. I guess us gays who can't help but look like gays will never be victorious.

I struggle more, and have it ten times harder than the "straight-looking" gays and yet they always seem to be less proud. And they seem to receive more affection.

Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch.
Just smoke my cigarette and hush.