Friday, March 26, 2010


For a few weeks now, when I'm on my break at work, I wonder the mall. I always make sure I can make my way into K-mart because of Crue, a beautiful, gorgeous man.

While Diane and I were walking the mall, we went to K-mart of make a purchase. I just wanted an XXX Vitamin Water. I made the mistake of pointing out my immense crush on Crue. She teased, and threatened to tell him, and ask his number for me. But I threatened her back effectively.

I went to the register to pay, and Diane and I were discussing him. The outspoken associate piped up and said, "Are you talking about someone who works here?" Diane immediately said no, but I admitted it to her. It seemed harmless.

I had grabbed her interest immediately. I didn't know his name, so I began to describe him. I said, the tall, tan, slender one by customer service. She asked about him by name, and I was curious, she told me his name was Crue. I was so happy to finally know his name. Diane begged the associate, who's name tag read Gene, to tell him. She giggled with the excitement she so rarely sees involving work.

I asked her, desperately, not to say a word. She told me she wouldn't. As Diane and I walked out I saw her talking to him, and him looking back. I felt like I ruined all chances with him, I woulds never be able to go to his checkout again.

Gene, I hope we may be able to become friends, you're really cool. And thanks for telling him for me because she taught me not to be afraid to open up. I just want to be more forward about all of my feelings and emotions.

Crue, I look forward to seeing your beautiful face during my break on Sunday.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Inspiring Youth

In a time in my life where I feel as if I need a reality check, and I need to grow up, some kids that I met at work really helped me put some things into prospective.

Some days I contemplate just buying a decent pair of straight fit jeans, a dark colored t-shirt, and a plain pair of sneakers and wearing it every day. As the days go on, getting ready, shopping, and staying modern, seem to be a chore more than a good time.

Over the weekend at work, I was stationed in the kids department. I enjoy that department only because customers usually need assistance, so I don't get as lonely. A mother with a thick Spanish accent of some sort needed some help buying jeans for what seemed to be triplets. All three had their own unique personalities, and were equally outgoing for the most part, but I don't think their mother told them not to talk to strangers.

The boys were around 10, and I could tell they were just getting some say in what they wear. The mother had them try on some boot fit, because she thought the wash was nice. The one kid piped up and said he wanted skinny jeans, but I recommended the straight fit. I told their mother that since her children were so thin, they should probably get that since the boot fit would look like it didn't fit. I further recommended the slim straight, which she also went for. And I'm pretty sure her kids knew I was doing this just for them.

One of the kids asked me, "Do you really think the world will end in 2012?" while his mother spoke with me, I told him no, and his mother told him not to interrupt. As their mom was shopping, that same kid came over to me, and was all chill like, "So, what's up?" I want like um, my job? He asked me if I liked my job, and if I was in college, and where I go to school and such. The kid seemed to be fascinated with adult hood. His brothers came over and joined in on the conversation. It was awkward at first, but I felt less uncomfortable as time went on.

I think the kids thought I was cool, or at least interesting. It made me think that I'm fine the way I am, despite people suggesting tweaks to my look, or renovating it all together. Despite, my recent doubt, I am completely confident once again.

The kid left with saying, "Good luck with school, and whatever." You too bud!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Oh, School

Last Friday grades closed for the 5-week progress report. Yesterday, teachers revealed grades to students.

I knew I was doing well in every class but Chemistry. I haven't don't a single assignment in these past 5-weeks. I knew I would be failing, but I didn't really give a shit because I knew I could turn the grade around. Well I found out that I have a 19--yes, that's out of 100.

I have never in my life failed a class on a report card, but failing on a progress report never gets back to colleges, THANK GOODNESS. I'm going to get a 91 on the report card. I did first quarter.

My teacher, who is the most outrageously ridiculous woman I've ever met, freaked out because so many people were failing. She was saying hot disappointed she was in us and blah blah blah. You're the teacher, clearly you're doing something wrong too.

Anyways, she loves a good joke, and instead of explaining the notes she prefers to tell us stories of her daughter's friend, and she stupid-ass husband. She flirts with Reg, the captain of the wrestling team, like it's her job. Reg and all of his friends make fun of her, and she tries to make fun back, and be cool. She's bizarre to begin with, with her over sized polo shirts, 80's do, black moccasins, and her speech impediment.

I'm just going to work, I needed a break that's all. I have a fool-proof strategy, so I don't really care. I'm going to be staying after school with my friend Marilyn a few days a week since her mom is making her.

"I know that I must pass this test, so just pull the trigger."

Monday, March 1, 2010


I think that every day that modern culture progresses, I see that people are trying harder and harder to express their individuality. The truth is that most of us aren't individuals.

I was on Facebook earlier today and saw that someone who's quite generic and joins fan pages often and strives to be like her popular peers joined a fan page called, "Don't ever compare me to her. I am ME." I just rolled my eyes and thought, maybe if you didn't wear a North Face, and American Eagle from head to toe, you wouldn't be compared to the 1,000's of others who do.

People get so hung up on their identity, and it's not defined by who you are, or what you post on your Facebook page. It's defined by how you dress, how you do your hair, how you walk, how much you weigh, who you hang out with, and what you do. You can argue that everyone has their quirks, and blah blah blah, but truth be told, their so subtle that noone sees them and noone really cares.

Supposedly we live in a classless society in the United States. Whadda joke, right?! Though it isn't clearly defined officially, we can see it everywhere. I see it at work, while I'm shopping, when I'm at school, and even in my own home. It's everywhere and we can't escape it.

I want to say I'm an individual, but I even know that I hardly am. But I'm gay, so it's a little unfair to the rest of you I guess. Boo hoo!

In sum, I'm tired of people who do the same thing as everyone else--complain about how though their life is, shopping at the same stores as everyone else, and copying things and saying you were "inspired." Just realize you aren't unique so you can get on with the rest of your life.