Bipolar?

This week as been quite the week, and with how fast paced it has felt this should come as no surprise. But there are two more days left to this week and today has been the most eventful by far.

Around 12:00am I had an episode.

Around 12:45am an old, almost boyfriend wanted me to have phone sex with him. Um, no.

Around 7:50am I downed a cup of coffee and headed to school and actually arrived on time.

Around 1:00pm I starved myself because I had work to do, that wasn't collected.

Around 4:00pm I started to drive to work, I drove 40mph the whole way there.

Around 4:30pm someone wouldn't sell me cigarettes because they thought my ID was fake. I fucken took my business elsewhere. Fuck that shit.

At 5:15 I finally went to work. Now this is where the stories start.

As I came into work, I counted down a drawer, since I was going to become main ringer. I've become closer with Stacy recently. This is due to the fact that Bovan now works at WAL-MART and that I'm one of the few members of the night crew who has been working there for more than 3 days.

The night was slow therefore Stacy and I spent most of our time mildly gossiping about customer experiences, and funny family stories while we folded. She had informed me that she had a very important story that she couldn't believe that she had forgotten to tell me. I immediately thought it was just an extra saucy story about one of our regulars--I was right in part.

Stay started to tell a story with the regular customer coming up to 2 newer associates and claiming, "I need a new outfit for court that doesn't make me look like such a fucking slut, like I normally do." The associates informed Stacy that they were uncomfortable. She was the perfect customer to create a bond with but whatever.

Stacy then took it upon herself to assist the customer. She knew her superior customer experience would aid her in not feeling like a pansy uncomfortable idiot. The customer had revealed to her that she had to go to court for domestic abuse, and that she may have her children taken away.

This only made Stacy feel worse because the woman showed her a GIANT tattoo (a tribute to her children) that she had gotten earlier in the week that was causing her physical pain on top of her emotional pain. Stacy did help her find a nice pair of khaki pants, and a black camisole to go with the denim jacket she had wanted. She looked plain jane, just how her lawyer had asked of her.

At the end of the story, Stacy informed me that she had forgotten one crucial part. The customer had said to Stacy and one girl who isn't new, Mae Ling, "Where's the cute little gay boy who always helps me?" Unfortunately, they had to inform her that there were not any males on staff until 5:15pm. When Stacy had to inform her, she told me it was when she really noticed that the poor customer had officially hit rock bottom

The worst part of it all is that it was one of MY regulars. I feel terrible that I couldn't have been there when all she wanted was assistance from the person who always aids her. I could have been her crutch. In her hard time she needed a familiar face who never judged her. I had her on my mind all through the rest of the night.

Around 8:15 I went on my cigarette break. I had that customer on my mind. While sitting outside, and old man was walking into the mall. He said to me, "Those cigarettes are that good to make you sit out in the freezing cold?"

I was in no mood, and couldn't believe the audacity of this old piece of shit and replied with, "You don't know what you're missing."

Expecting a chuckle from the bitter old fuck, he sassily replied, "It's a nasty habit."

As he reached for the door, I said in a firm, irritated, yet informative voice, "Fuck off." The old bastard shook his head as he walked into the mall. Go ahead and walk into that mall. Do you know how many worse things happen everyday than a teenager smoking a cigarette outside of the mall?

It killed me that he didn't understand how I felt. My emotions have been across the board all week, not to mention today. I felt frustrated, depressed, sad, ugly, beautiful, sassy, angry, hurt, excited, jealous, even happy.

Call me Sybil, but I'd much rather be called Caesar.

Public Speaking

In my Public Speaking class, we generally give a speech every week or two. The first topic we wrote about have to either be a personal experience or pet peeve. Of course I chose pet peeve, since most people chose to write about a personal experience.

In this speech, I wrote about some fashion faux pas which perturbed me. I wrote about three particular items, for a good reason.

The first of the three included overalls, I do not like how they provide no shape, and make one look like a sack. The second would be over destroyed denim, I don't like how sloppy and unintentional they look. Buying and making distressed denim are very different. The third would be crocs, and I'm not even explaining this one since they're clearly disgusting.

In the end I told about how I had met a woman at GAP, and she was in all three of these items. I judged her and didn't even want to talk to her, I continued with saying that she turned out to be very sweet. In the end I wrapped up with the fact that, I shouldn't judge what people wear.

The next day I was informed by Elizabeth, that everyone was offended my my speech, despite all the laughter in the room. They're a bunch of country bumkins anyways. They know nothing about fashion, and wear the same outfits every week. They're so unoriginal, and boring. Needless to say, when I spoke with my teacher about this, and she agreed with all of those assholes.

The next speech had to be a speech to entrain. I was really nervous since I knew I would be judged before even opening my mouth. I wrote about Senioritis, which I knew we all could relate to... tons of laughter, and great smiles. I succeeded, I got a much better response than before, but a similar grade of an 88, like the last one.

Thirdly, we had a demonstration speech. I skipped out on this one since I had Senioritis. haha, This speech, fucking sucked.

And tomorrow I have to give my fourth speech, A Book Report. I have no idea how a book report could be a speech, but I'm gonna do it. I looked up a book on SparkNotes, The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison. My speech is done, and I didn't even read the book. But she said she wanted the book in class, so I had to waste $15 on this PAPERBACK book. wtf.

I don't read, but I may end up reading this to get my money's worth. It's about a beauty struggle essentially, so it totally fits me, perhaps I'll enjoy it.

The other day I really wanted to possess blue eyes, since I feel like I could be prettier with them... and that's exactly how Precola, the main character feels.

Turns out, that a class I've spent all year hating, finally has something good coming out of it.

Prince & Trick

Last weekend, was similar to most. But just two small things made it a little more than average.

A week ago, today, I had gone to GAP to pick up my check, and headed straight to the bank after. My bank is open until 8PM, so I had all the time in the world before I had to be there. Around 7:30, then I arrived, the parking lot was packed. This was mostly due to the fact that there is a grocery store next door.

As I got out of my car, which was parked in the third-to-last spot, I strutted myself down the deserted parking lot. I was wearing a silver and black sequin vest, my hair and makeup were picture perfect. Usually, this goes unnoticed.

As I was halfway through the parking lot, I saw a beautiful man, in skinny jeans, combat boots, and a black peacoat walk out of the bank. He had a perfectly buzzed head, and was around the same height as me. As I got closer to him, I noticed he gave me the up-down. I would catch his eye, and turn as if I didn't notice (bashfully). As he walked past me, he turned his head and looked at me and in a sexy, whisper-type voice said, "damnnn!" I smirked, and shook my ass just a tad more.

As I was about to enter the bank, I hear him whistle, and holler, "SEXY!" I looked back at him, Trick, and he was standing in the parking lot as if he wanted me to go back. I just winked, and went into the back. Mostly everyone says I should have gotten his number.

Was it wrong of me not to get picked up in a parking lot, at night, by an older man?

On Sunday, I had a lovely 7 hour shift at GAP. As usual I went on my break, got some subway, and ate alone. It was nothing out of the ordinary. I finished eating, and decided to go have a cigarette outside of the food court and break tradition. As I walked past, some tables, I hear a girl say "Heyy!" She was blond, tan, and had pink streaks in her hair. The boy she was sitting with was all flustered, it was clear she was his hag.

The followed me outside, "unintentionally," they claim. Prince and Princess had introduced themselves to me over a cigarette. Prince wasn't a smoker. Prince was a senior at a nearby school, so he seemed ideal. After he left, I was talking with Princess.

She continued to ask me if I thought Prince was cute, and so on. She made it seem like she was asking for him, so I just went all out, and said was I felt. I was completely honest, which is crazy because I'm kind of a compulsive liar.

They added me on Facebook, and he had a status up that was posted an hour after meeting me: "so, I really like you and think you're amazingly cute ha :)" Princess had posted on this ans said "i know who this is about" Being flirtatious me, I posted a status saying, "It would be vain of me to think that your status was about me, but I hope it is :3" I'm really vain... go figure.

He messaged me that afternoon, after school. He asked if my status was about him, and I was like, well do you think it's about you. He modestly said he didn't know. I told him yes. THEN he proceeded to tell me that he's seeing someone, and he didn't mean to send the wrong signal, and that his status had nothing to do with me. Um, okay, hoe. You were drooling all over me, you had to have your hag talk to me for you. Check yourself before you wreck yourself, bitch!

I'm not going to reflect on this in sum, because all I wanted was to feel wanted (by hotties), and that has happened despite me turning them down, and vice versa.

Be careful what you wish for. ;)

P-O'd

This morning I woke up to a feeling on my face. If I remember correctly, I felt something crawling on my cheek, and I swatted at my own face several times. Then I felt it on my finger, and then I felt an extremely painful sting, or bite of some sort. At this point I'm flailing my arms, and now nothing is on my hands. I'm sitting up in my bed, and I can hear a bee buzzing. I shake out my sheets and run upstairs to attend to my finger. My left middle finger has doubled in size. I killed that mother fucking bumble bee that bit me. That's what you get for waking me up at 5:50AM.

Then I wore a t-shirt today because nothing fucking looks good on anymore. Not to mention my make up looks like fucking shit.

Then at school, no one seemed to be in a good mood. I got fucking yelled at in Art today for doing homework when people use his class as a study hall all the time. AND I'm ahead of EVERYONE on the current project. I was scrambling to get work done during classes all day, even during my lunch.

Later in the day, Mr. McWhite had to brag to the whole class how Stephanie was the only one who received a passing grade on the quiz from the day before. Too bad the diabetic cunt lied to him before class, and told him she had to go to the nurse to check her blood sugar, when she really wanted extra time to study for today's quiz. That bitch's mom is a lunch lady and her dad is a mechanic, she's not going anywhere in life. Go into a diabetic coma plz?

Mr. McWhite, you are the most obnoxious, oblivious, instigator I've ever met in my whole entire life. Go to hell.

Then at work, this arrogant prick, Bovan, did NO work. Another associate and I ended up doing most of his run backs, and helping him fold down his sections of the store. Do your damn job, and don't you dare for one second condescend to me about not getting GAP Cards. I may not get GAP Cards, but at least I can manage my time and prioritize how I'm asked, you inefficient fuck. The douche bag doesn't even know that everyone knows that he's hooking with Stacy, the second assistant manager. The jewelery store bitch told everyone she saw you two kissing in the parking lot--real classy!

My finger is almost completely back to normal not, And I'm fucking scared to sleep in my own bed because of damn bumble bees. There better be something good on TV, because I will kill myself if there isn't.

More Than A Hobby

Over the past several months I've been thinking more and more about college and what I really want to do with my life. At this point I have my eyes set on one school, LIM College. It's a smaller school located in the Upper East Side of Manhattan. LIM is the only school that is 100% fashion related. Not one of their majors is unrelated to fashion. Last night at work I realized that a career in fashion isn't a question anymore, it's definite.

When I was at work, I was stationed in the adults section to fold all night and greet, as well as assist customers. One customer needed my assistance with denim, one of my favorite items to help people shop for due to it's price tag along with how picky people are with it. She was, tan, and thin, and looked like she was in her mid 40s.

I helped her on the floor, and she was impressed. I asked Stacy to keep her eye on her in the fitting room, because I knew she was the kind of person who would want a second opinion. Then Hugh came and said, "I'll watch Adults if you want to go help her personally," despite his normally cold, manager ways. I was so excited to basically be some one's personal shopper, and tell them if they look like shit or not.

I went back, and the woman had to have had tried on 15 pairs of jeans in her venture. She fell in love with the boot cut, which she only tired on because I encouraged it. She had just lost 25lbs she told me, and it felt great to make someone feel great about their image anyways, let alone that she has a new found confidence in her image.

As Stacy finished with her at the cash wrap, Stacy told me over the walkie that she was really impressed with me, and was glad I was there to help, and that made me feel great. Before I had time to think, the customer, was leaving the store, I said to her, "Have a good one."

She thanked me profusely and told me, "You're in the right place, you really know what you're talking about."

In that instant I really realized that style isn't just something I obsess about, and it's not something I'm infatuated with. It's embedded in my brain, it's encoded in my genetics. I couldn't be more excited to apply to colleges in the fall. For the first time in my life, I can really see what I want for my future without any questions asked.

Inspiring Youth

In a time in my life where I feel as if I need a reality check, and I need to grow up, some kids that I met at work really helped me put some things into prospective.

Some days I contemplate just buying a decent pair of straight fit jeans, a dark colored t-shirt, and a plain pair of sneakers and wearing it every day. As the days go on, getting ready, shopping, and staying modern, seem to be a chore more than a good time.

Over the weekend at work, I was stationed in the kids department. I enjoy that department only because customers usually need assistance, so I don't get as lonely. A mother with a thick Spanish accent of some sort needed some help buying jeans for what seemed to be triplets. All three had their own unique personalities, and were equally outgoing for the most part, but I don't think their mother told them not to talk to strangers.

The boys were around 10, and I could tell they were just getting some say in what they wear. The mother had them try on some boot fit, because she thought the wash was nice. The one kid piped up and said he wanted skinny jeans, but I recommended the straight fit. I told their mother that since her children were so thin, they should probably get that since the boot fit would look like it didn't fit. I further recommended the slim straight, which she also went for. And I'm pretty sure her kids knew I was doing this just for them.

One of the kids asked me, "Do you really think the world will end in 2012?" while his mother spoke with me, I told him no, and his mother told him not to interrupt. As their mom was shopping, that same kid came over to me, and was all chill like, "So, what's up?" I want like um, my job? He asked me if I liked my job, and if I was in college, and where I go to school and such. The kid seemed to be fascinated with adult hood. His brothers came over and joined in on the conversation. It was awkward at first, but I felt less uncomfortable as time went on.

I think the kids thought I was cool, or at least interesting. It made me think that I'm fine the way I am, despite people suggesting tweaks to my look, or renovating it all together. Despite, my recent doubt, I am completely confident once again.

The kid left with saying, "Good luck with school, and whatever." You too bud!

New Boots

Instead of posting this week I decided to make one post about the biggest thoughts of my week.

The oldest one in my memory is when Francois dethroned Elizabeth. Elizabeth is one of the most beautiful creatures in my school aside from myself. Her makeup is flawless and when she decides to get dressed insomething other than sweats she's a fashionista. Once my equal, she has become a fan like the rest unfortunately.

In Chemistry before the bell rang, Elizabeth stood toward the back on the room with her back to the teacher, texting. I noticed this but said nthing, but I saw Francois get up, so I looked to see what he ws doing. He informed the teacher she was texting. She then took her phone, I watched it all, live.

All in a flash, she lost her beauty, coolness, arrogance, and reassurance. It was beautiful.

Second would be a woman at GAP Outlet. She came in today seeking to update her mom look. A mother of three children was going on a date with her husband tonight and wanted to look nice for him. I aided her in her search. She was VERY successful, and satisfied. This woman tought me the impotance of looking good. It wasn't just me that thought that looking unpresentable was an issue regardless of how busy your lifestyle is. Yet, she tought me that it is excusable when ladies of her kind dress the way they do, because they desire to dress better. Thank you mother of three.

Third is that today is the day that marks one month with Ronnie. Thank you for being so great to me. I'm excited to have you as my first Valentine. Today I learned that I really do love you, and that I don't think I ever want to leave you. I'm glad we're serious, and I'm glad to know you even if things don't work out on your half.

Lastly, we would have shopping. Today I went shopping and I put some stuff on my credit card. I bought the most beautiful brown dress boots, with a fabulous little heel. My life is complete. These shoes do more than say they're beautiful, they say my denim looks expensive, and the belt matches flawless. I spent little money on them which fueled my excitement.

Being dethroned is like losing your voice in fashion like the mother of three did. And buying a pair of beautiful new boots that enhance everything about you is like having a partner that brings out the best in you.

Ill, Yet Optimistic

I've been sick for a few days. It's been terrible. I have to work from six to ten tonight. I've worked 4 days in a row, I'm not used to it. I haven't seen Ronnie in a week as of today.

My nose has been conjested completely to the point that I can't even breathe out of my nose at times. At other times it's so runny that I feel like the world can see my nose turning into a waterfall. People can tell in how I act and how I look that I'm sick--it's pissing me off.

On Saturday night, Charles, Diane, Diane's sister, Abby, and myself along with other regulars at Outrage, went out to a Chinese Food Buffet when I got out of work. I was the only thin one. We went to Outrage after.

Sunday night at work was Derek's last day at work. He was moving back to Brazil, where he went to college. I had discussed what Brazil was like with him before. He has a girlfriend back there, I think it's adorable. Here I am, seeing how people CAN stand the test of time. I feel as if I am that person, I possess the patience.

Later on in my shift, I was chatting with Stacy. She is just as sick as me, and has the same opinions of it. She doesn't want people to treat her differently, or look at her differently just because she's got a cold.

I woke up late this morning, I wouldn't have been late to school if I weren't so high maintenance.

School today felt odd because it was rainy and dark all day. I ran sign-ups for the blood drive at school today. I have little homework, and as of Friday I am officially 5/8 of the way done with high school. I take the English Regents tomorrow and the next day, which will be a piece of cake.

I just had dinner. I'm going to get ready for work, and when I get home I'll just call Ronnie and go to bed. I think all I need is a little rest.

Greetings, Gays, and the GAP.

This evening at the GAP was one of the best nights I think I've ever had. Being after the holidays, the store happened to be in great condition, and I was closing for the first time in a while. A guy named Christian who had started there when he was my age, and one of the best managers there, Stacy, were closing with me. I looked fabulous and my make-up was still as fresh as it was at 1, when I came in. I also had a surprise lunch with Beyonce, better known as Sasha Fierce.

Initially when meeting Christian, I didn't like how he could give me a taste of my own sarcasm. He was cute too, but not as put together as myself. We warmed up to one another quickly after. I am slightly bothered that Stacy might like him more, and she liked me before he came back. We made fun of a woman in a wheel chair who wore sunglasses, and planned to bomb the store in the fitting rooms after closing. But meeting Christian was like meeting myself, gay and all--but not the current man of interest surprisingly.

Earlier in the day, around 3 or 4, I was just floating on the floor making sure things were tidy, and up to par. I was then approached by a woman who I remembered because she came in with a really cute, apparently gay, boy, who had a blond Mohawk, which to my surprise is multicultural, if you know what I mean. After establishing the fact that I'm gay (which was the hardest, and to me funniest, part for his friend Naomi), she asked for my number for him. Since he didn't approach me himself, I left him with my name to look me up on facebook. Haha, Internet, thanks for letting me establish a relationship from a distance. We will call this boy Ronnie.

I looked amazing today also. Despite being as sick as a dog, my style and visage were right on target. I looked great, my make-up was nice and smooth, my freshly washed outfit was crisp and flawless, they were painted on me with masculine precision. Everyone noticed, and realized, it was nice.

I hung out with Diane, and went to Outrage, it would have been better had Charles been home. But we had fun for the most part. I saw Ronnie on Facebook, and he has his nipples pierced which is a little off, but his tummy is so smooth, I'm gonna get him quick and easy. And I don't even know if I want to see Christian again, I love and hate him. I just know he's equally confident, which won't work, because I need to be that one in the relationship, but he's fucking fine as hell! I'm still in Outrage now, Diane left, and Charles is on his way I think, but he probably works tomorrow.

That's the GREAT DAY of Greetings, Gays and the GAP.