Friday, January 29, 2010

Relationship Drama

I have been called many names before, but over the course of the past few days, I've added a few more to the list. I'm not mean, really.

On Wednesday I went over to Ronnie's house. We decided that we weren't going to be too intimate because I still didn't feel well. And as we were cuddling, we were discussing how I said that he treated me like a dog ONE TIME. But he thought I meant that I meant all the time, even though I specifically said, "It's only when you say things like, 'Ya Heard?'"

That was only the beginning...

I'm not a fan of "picking and choosing" battles, because then things get swept under the rug. So as always do, I refused to back down no matter how upset he got. He started crying and handed me some load of crap like, "I don't want you to think I treat you like that. I can't help that I say that." Just don't keep doing it, it's as simple as that. He said it at least 5 times last night, but I ignored it.

These two girls told Ronnie that I'm "conceited" and "full of myself" before he met me, and he told me, "No offense, but I can see where they're coming from." O rly?

Yesterday, Ronnie and I had a better day because we cleared the air. It was wonderful. When we were walking down the street, these two kids on bikes stopped around ten feet in front of us, and said, "Is that two guys?" And Ronnie simply said, "Yes." And when they asked, "So you're homos?" Ronnie again replied, "Yes." The kids insisted we kiss, but Ronnie and I just laughed it off, and continued on our way.

I treat this kid like gold. I always say I love you first. I always hold his hand first. I always kiss him first. I always kiss him goodbye. I always tell him different romantic things when he says, "So, tell me something." Mind you, I absolutely detest when he says that, it makes me feel like I bore him.

The other night I fell asleep on the phone with my long time Internet friend Rene. That next day Rene posted on my facebook, "I think it's funny how you always fall asleep on the phone." Ronnie got all jealous. I LET RONNIE HANG OUT WITH HIS FUCKING EX BOYFRIEND, but he doesn't want me talking to a gay boy who lives in California, and I've never dated. Thinking this is absolutely ridiculous? I am.

I'm giving Ronnie until after Valentine's day (that's a long time) to cut it out. I don't like how our relationship fluctuates every other day. I'm disappointed.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Ill, Yet Optimistic

I've been sick for a few days. It's been terrible. I have to work from six to ten tonight. I've worked 4 days in a row, I'm not used to it. I haven't seen Ronnie in a week as of today.

My nose has been conjested completely to the point that I can't even breathe out of my nose at times. At other times it's so runny that I feel like the world can see my nose turning into a waterfall. People can tell in how I act and how I look that I'm sick--it's pissing me off.

On Saturday night, Charles, Diane, Diane's sister, Abby, and myself along with other regulars at Outrage, went out to a Chinese Food Buffet when I got out of work. I was the only thin one. We went to Outrage after.

Sunday night at work was Derek's last day at work. He was moving back to Brazil, where he went to college. I had discussed what Brazil was like with him before. He has a girlfriend back there, I think it's adorable. Here I am, seeing how people CAN stand the test of time. I feel as if I am that person, I possess the patience.

Later on in my shift, I was chatting with Stacy. She is just as sick as me, and has the same opinions of it. She doesn't want people to treat her differently, or look at her differently just because she's got a cold.

I woke up late this morning, I wouldn't have been late to school if I weren't so high maintenance.

School today felt odd because it was rainy and dark all day. I ran sign-ups for the blood drive at school today. I have little homework, and as of Friday I am officially 5/8 of the way done with high school. I take the English Regents tomorrow and the next day, which will be a piece of cake.

I just had dinner. I'm going to get ready for work, and when I get home I'll just call Ronnie and go to bed. I think all I need is a little rest.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

THE Life

Whenever I'm in the process of having a bad day, I think to myself, someday I'll be fabulous and my life will be my way, perfect, without outside interference.

Today after school, I had a Leo Club meeting. I asked Charles to pick me up, since I knew he was going to bring Penelope home anyways. He brought his friend Carissa home too, so I figured he would bring me home before he went to Carissa's. He refused, it was HARDLY out of the way. It was on the way if anything. He made me go with him, and hang out at Carissa's for two hours! What if there were things I wanted to do?! That's inconsiderate of you, Charles.

But I thought, I know I'll grow from this someday, and be fabulous like I previously stated.

On Sunday night, I spent the night at my Boyfriend's house. We tried to have sex for the first time with me doing "the work." I didn't enjoy it at first. Eventually, I got into it. So I figured I get him to do my favorite position. From that position, I was in more pain; I felt nauseous.

I thought to myself, I know I'll be looser eventually, and never feel this pain again, and be the ideal fabulous sex partner.

At lunch everyday I see myself: so flawless that he looks out of place when he's in high school. I know that's what people are thinking. Why is he sitting with them. I'm sitting there being the coolest, and we all know it. But when we talk, they still act like losers and embarrass me because they're so loud, and obscure.

I get through it by knowing that someday, I'll reselect new friends who will always be who I want around, tolerable. The perfect, flawless, puppet-doll friend.

So when I tell you my hardships, you'll understand what I've been waiting for my whole life. I'm waiting for my life to finally start. I don't just want a life, I want THE life.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Sex & Co.

On Tuesday evening my boyfriend, Ronnie came over. He met Aneta and Charles, and had dinner with us. It was a perfect evening.

That day at school was a long one, as I described to you before. I was exhausted, and felt like nothing in this whole world could turn around my day. Little did I know that I would be proved wrong.

When Ronnie got here, it was 5PM. He has gotten here late because his sister, Sammi, was still a little unsure of how to get to my house. I had been waiting at the door for a few minutes, when he arrived. When he walked in, I took his coat, and Aneta was there so I couldn't kiss him immediately. As soon as she left, I embraced his kiss.

We went down stairs for a little while. We chatted about my room, our days, and how we felt about one another. Once that was out of the way, we cuddled and watched some TV. That led to kissing, and clothing removal. He slowly unbuttoned my red, plaid shirt as he straddled me, topless. Our pants were off in the blink of an eye, and before I knew it I could feel my dick against his as we kissed. I could feel my skin against his.

I felt his dick, uncircumcised; which I don't normally go for, but I thought it was really sexy. I performed some oral sex which put him in pure ecstasy. He loved it. He pushed my head down as he moaned. He came quickly. I'm good at what I do... what can I say.

After that he was going to start me off, but we had to go eat dinner. Aneta made Chicken Parm, it was delicious.

When we went back to my room clothes flew and sexual tension was through the roof. He offered to suck me off, but I declined, because I knew I could get more. He offered to have sex even though we were going to wait. Let me tell you, I fucked him real good. He was just as into it as I was. It was perfect sex. Later that night I blew him a second time--now he's thoroughly impressed.

Charles brought him home and we went to Taco Bell before that for a little snack. I kissed him goodnight outside his apartment. From the second his lips left mine, I missed him.

No, I'm not in love. But for the first time I think I might be on my way...

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Not A Happy Camper

Today isn't even over, and it was filled with what-the-fuck moments. Ronnie is coming over in about an hour. I was supposed to have the best day ever, but instead it was filled with drama and unnecessary distractions.

This morning was a great one, I got ready with plenty of time to spare. First period went by swell. As did second period, where I started a sculpture which is looking superb.

It was time for third period: Chemistry. Today we took notes, as usual. But the girl who sits to my right, Stephanie, wasn't here, so one of the hottest guys at our school Francois, sat to my right. As he took notes I couldn't help but notice him lift up his shirt and lightly rub his smooth stomach. I looked over again, and as he took notes, his hand casually lingered into his pants. His left hand was now almost all the way in his pants, I could see his hip bone. I began to get excited and shocked.

I opened my phone and began to write a tweet.

I look over again, and now, his left hand from the wrist down was completely in his pants. Our Chemistry teacher wasn't a work of art by any stretch, keep in mind. His hand moved to the center of his pants, I could tell he was massaging his dick. I was getting a little hot and bothered because I had several sexual fantasies about him before. I must admit, I have a boyfriend, and I feel guilty.

Later, I was caught in the hallway, using my cell phone. Lieutenant Frump got all up in my grill. She began her spiel with, "Does that show integrity?" as she always does. She raised her hand slightly above her head and told me, "You were here." She moved her hand down several inches, and said "Now you're here. You're not fabulous anymore." What a condescending cunt. How dare you say something like that to me. She has a ton of jealously built up in her. She condones the use of other electronics though--double standard. I collected my phone from the office later in the day.

When I got home I was a little on edge. Aneta said she wanted some help. I said yes, as I always do. But she was like "Don't go down stairs just yet, you're not going to get off the hook." I wasn't trying to get off the hook you moron, I was bringing my books to my room. Do you mind?! Think before you speak, please.

Ronnie is coming over shortly, and I don't want him to see me in such a mood. I miss him so much, and I've been looking forward to this for the past 5 days. I don't want to pretend to be happy. I think Ronnie will be able to brighten my mood regardless. I can't wait for his embrace.

In whole, whenever I try my best to have a great day because I've been anxious for something, it fucks me over miserably.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Caesar + Ronnie

Last night I went over to Ronnie's house, in Amsterdam. This would be the first time that I'd seen him since your attraction to one another at the GAP. I was extremely anxious, especially since our conversations via text message and late phone call have gotten a little intimate.

This would be the first time I've actually had a real "love interest" since that ass hole from Rotterdam, Garret, that I hooked-up with. I was excited. He's Puerto Rican, and I couldn't wait to be with someone who wasn't white.

When I arrived around 5PM, he stood outside his house waiting. Aneta and Madame Dupont dropped me off, and were clearly staring to see what he looked like. He looked just like his photos, and exactly how I remember him at the GAP. I could feel the intimacy with our eye contact. I could tell how he felt, and how his mood was just from gazing into his eyes, and initiating conversation.

He led me into the first floor apartment that he and his sister, Roxanne, live in. The first room I saw was the kitchen, the whole house seemed slightly empty, but it was pretty clean from what I could tell. As we talked our tones got slightly more alluring, and seductive. He got closer, resting his hands on my hips, hugging me, and said, "I'm really glad you're here." From there he went in for the kiss. I wanted to be in control, so I turned my face slightly to the left, so that he just his the corner of my lips. He smiled awkwardly, and showed me the rest of the apartment, and then to his room.

We laughed and talked for some time while watching the History Channel on his bed. Being his birthday, and a control carving person, like myself, he said that he'd only kiss me, again if I sang him Happy Birthday. Keep in mind, he told me this about half an inch away from my face.

I declined his offer telling him that he wouldn't be able to resist me. He stopped holding my hand, that's how persistent he got. Finally, I gave in and sang the song. I leaned in to kiss him with full on tongue, surprising him, and making him VERY happy. I'm good at what I do. We spooned, kissed, and dry humped a little, almost naked in his bed for a while before his friends came over. In the act we had become boyfriends officially. Happy Birthday to you Ronnie!

While his friends were there, we had our own night of Outrage, and we drank.

On the way home I got touchy-feely in the backseat of his sister's Pontiac. We made out the entire way home grouping each other's you-know-whats. It was pretty fair in size. We arrived at my house, he kissed me in the driveway, romantically.

I went inside, and rest assured, Aneta and Madame were there. WAITING. They saw, and they knew that for the first time, I had real hope in a relationship. I was under the influence of lust.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Bonjour 2010!

I am back from my trip, and off of Winter Break.

That night Rachel and I picked up movies, I Love You Man, and The Hangover. We went to the hot tub at Outrage, and could hardly focus. We had a blast. It was one of the best nights I'd ever had at Outrage.

The next day, December 31, we slept in. We watched Jersey Shore, and watched the cast of Jersey Shore host a New Year's TV special on MTV. Despite the fact that we didn't go to Outrage, or any fabulous parties, I had a great time celebrating the New Decade with my best friend.

As I enter a new year, I don't feel it. I shouldn't expect to feel anything anyways. It's the same with birthdays, no matter how liberating the age, it's nice to know, but it doesn't feel any different. That day we went to New York City, you already know my sentiments on that! Later, we watched I Love You Man, and returned the videos that night. We later went out to a 24-hour Starbucks with Rachel's friend, Helen. She was cool, but I'm telling you--she's got more drama that any person I've ever seen on Jerry Springer.

The following day, January 2, we went to Garden State Plaza--the most fabulous mall I have ever stood in to date. This mall had everything: Nordstrom, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Sanrio, American Apparel, Juicy Couture, Macy's, Nordstrom, Forever 21... the list is ENDLESS. We were almost late getting me to my bus stop! But I got home, and met a stanger on the bus too.

The next two days consisted of normal routine, The GAP and school. I've been talking to Ronnie more also. I'm going to his house on Thursday. We're most likely going to hook-up. I sure hope so at least. Not to get serious and stuff, but it would be nice to have a boyfriend. Sometimes being beautiful doesn't mean anything if you're single.