Sunday, April 24, 2011


Yet again I have learned that someone will become a long-term character in the story that is my life. Stevenson is the latest of love interests and one of the most genuine at that.

It's been well over a year since my last real relationship (Ronnie). It's also been just over a year since I've crushed on someone hard (Sebastien). Now both are coming in the same package and I'm happy again.

I feel like myself again, now that someone has come along and shared part of my life with me. Although I may have met him only a short week or so ago, I'm smitten.

I still didn't feel like myself the first night that I drove out to Troy to see him. I didn't have that sparkle or the attitude, and my ego was dwindled nearly down to nothing. As I'm sure I have made clear, the glamour in my life is what keeps me going. My life had gone into a downward spiral of confusion. I didn't know which route to take and if I could go back to being Caesar Smithe.

Truth be told--I blame Stevenson. He gave me a reason to smile and look forward to everything whether it be work, school, or working on making him my boyfriend. We're the same type of person and I like that there is little to no competition between us.

I think he can see that I want to do this right. Stevenson knows that I've told people about us and what we've done but only he knows the happiness he given me by that.

I still feel like that insecure person that I was over the past four months. Some of the sadness and depression comes back for short waves and then I am reminded about how much I have going for me. Then I smile.

The first day that Stevenson, and I hung out my mouth began to hurt. Now don't get all perverted, because he doesn't kiss THAT aggressively. The gum on the right side of my mouth was swollen. I had checked it and the two teeth my orthodontist couldn't fix for the longest time finally closed up.

I was so happy that the next visit would be my last appointment before my braces would finally be removed. The two teeth look exactly how he said they would. They're far beyond perfect now.

Let's see how the next two weeks turn out because if I remember correctly, being someone other than Caesar Smithe was supposed to continue until Mother's Day. I still have another shopping trip that I need to get done and some more work on myself. I have yet to learn what I had intended to teach myself since I've gone back to my ways of complimenting myself in the mirror.

One of the biggest things that I needed to learn was when to set my arrogance aside. I have yet to master this with the people who have been in my life since before I decided to teach myself this lesson but I have with the new people who have come along.

Right now, you drive me crazy.
Will you hold it against me?

Friday, April 15, 2011


This was the last week that she and I had to spend together before nothing would be keeping us together for most of the following week. She was beautiful, divine in every way. She reminded me of a fast-forwarded clip of a morning glory at the crack of dawn. She had an air about her that was irresistibly appealing.

When I would breathe around her the wind would go right through me. She radiated like the Sun and we were all the plants that fed off of her. Until this week, I had always felt like the Earth in this scenario. I fed the plants the nutrients and gave then the support they needed in order for the Sun to create so many things that depended off of her.

But what does the Earth matter anyways? It's bigger than all of us and it's right beneath our feet. The Sun on the other hand, is godly. It's astronomically far away and is completely untouchable.

Now who is to blame for the places of which the sun cannot penetrate? These places have little to no life without the sun. Alas, the world had revolved around her. This was exactly what the Earth and the Sun had intended.

The rain forest is the only place that is home to long-term effects of the sun while the poles are the only two places that never have the opportunity to continuously be in the Sun's innermost circle. At times, the whole world loved the Sun. The transition where one pole experienced long periods of dusk and the other experienced long periods of dawn, was when the Earth's accomplishments were most evident.
These moments are what the Sun feeds off of. Don't let this fool you though, the reaction of the rain forest to her is what she considers to be one of her greatest accomplishments.

Only one thing had ever distracted the Earth From the Sun. Although it seems to only tease the Earth with it's gravitational pull, the Moon is closer to the Earth and is much more accessible.

Every so often the Moon completely outshines the Sun. The Moon has a beauty that is beautiful and respectable but not so much overbearing and powerful.

During an eclipse the Moon takes the stage and reminds the Earth of how she consistently and fairly treats the Earth and how the Sun favors bits and pieces of the Earth. Moons come and go, and so do Suns.

After an eclipse, the Sun seems less powerful and becomes so typical and the Moon gains the extraordinary compliments that the Sun feels entitled to.

In time, a new Sun will take the stage. It still does all of the same things that the original Sun did. A new Moon will come and act exactly like the previous one did. The Earth, unlike the Moon and the Sun, remains the same.

The Moon revolves around the Earth, keeping him in check and watching his every move. The Earth revolves around the Sun, but if it weren't for the Earth then the Sun would have nothing to give her the sense of entitlement that she so craves.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Health and Beauty

I went into the waiting room and only waited for around 5 minutes until my name was called. I wend down a corridor and to the right where I was weighed. The lady, who was kind despite her lack of a personality, also took my height, blood pressure, pulse and also tested my eye sight. I was then put into my own room down another hall and to the right.

She asked a few simple questions and told me to get into the hospital gown and the doctor would be in within a few minutes. I had forms with me for college which she set down for Doctor Verre to fill out when he arrived. I hadn't seen him in forever. He was Korean and pretty amusing. He seemed pretty typical, and somewhat wealthy.

He came in and I was all set and ready to undergo routine maintenance, like a car or something.

First he asked if anything had happened as far as in my family history. Of course not. I mean, not that I would be aware of. He went over question after question. I responded truthfully on my part, and ideally on his.

He then used what seemed to be a remote control with a frosting tip on it with a light inside to check my ears.

I had cleaned my ears extra throughly to minimize the risk of embarrassment. I know Doctor's Offices are 'judgement free' but let's not lie to ourselves. I know that it's just unspoken judgement. On that note I also did all of the usual maintenance. Shaved my legs, chest, stomach and under arms. I'm courteous, and not to mention proud of my body. I'm sure he looks at fat, smelly, hairy eye-sores all day. And when have I ever been like anyone else anyway?

I then sat up straight so he could listen to my breathing. A lot of things have changed since my last visit. One of them being that I became a smoker. I thought for sure he would know. I was wrong. He then said that my breathing was great and everything was fine. I had to tell him myself toward then end of the appointment when he had asked if there was anything that we didn't 'go over.'

I then was asked to remove the hospital gown, and did. My body looked divine, I can't even attempt to be modest because if I did I wouldn't be giving myself enough credit.

One time, one of my co-workers, Mr. Piggy himself, did have the nerve to call me a pot-belly behind my back. I would go to work in my underwear (because I'm sure people would only be drooling) to prove him wrong, but I'd rather not get fired (or arrested for indecent exposure).

I then laid down for that part of the exam that was most inspection like. Doctor Verre had felt along my abdomen and lower stomach pressing while he had his other hand on my back, also pressing. He did something similar with a hammer on my legs. This was the part of a physical that I never understood. What was he checking for? And he wasn't using enough of his hand for it to have been considered sexual harassment.

Then, what people know what the most shameful or un-manly aspect of the physical was next. Like I said, I have a lot of pride in my body. This should explain why I wasn't nervous or scared of judgement here. Nudge-nudge.

While Dr. Verre may have been Asian, he certainly didn't wear FLAT-front khakis from GAP. He was more of a STRAIGHT-fit kind of guy. I defy American stereotypes by being thin and he defies Asian stereotypes with his endowment (which I only know by careful observation because I have NEVER seen his dick; he is my Doctor).

I am currently in the best physical shape of my life. I've lost weight and I was informed that my BMI signifies that I am riding the border between a healthy weight and being underweight.

This new outlook seems to be helping my current mental issues. So here's to a fresh beginning for Spring!