The Texan

It was late Sunday night, and I had been home for several hours before my phone rang. The phone caught me completely off guard, and I didn't even have time to have the usual "I hope this is something interesting," thought. I looked at the phone, and it was Sonian--a reoccurring lover.

I met Sonian in 2008, when I still used MySpace. We had completely innocent interactions when we first began talking. But as time progressed, our conversations did too. I noticed eventually, that every conversation become more stimulating. I could feel my emotions being attached to him. Every time he texted or called my heart would beat faster each time. But come summer's end, our two-month foundation had dissipated into school books and real life.

As I grew socially in school, I wilted socially on the Internet. And I began to drop friends accidentally, and it was a downward spiral from there. But every now and again I would call Sonian and see how he was, or he would randomly pick up the phone and call me. Even though I knew it was real, I was skeptical.

It was near Christmas when I first told him I loved him. We would talk for hours and hours. He and I would discuss our futures together. We would talk about how perfect our love would be with perfect jobs, living in New York City, and never being sad or upset another day or either of our lives. I found every word that left his lips intriguing. I thought everything he said was ridiculously, overwhelmingly, adorable and sincere.

When he got a hold of me a few nights ago, he started with the charm immediately. He told me he had something to tell me, and of course I told him I was all ears, and that I was ready when he was. And he replied, "No, Guess!" I knew he had something cute to say. But I couldn't help but think he wanted to call for phone sex. But I had remembered that he told me he planned to go to New York City after graduation (this year). So I used that as my guess.

Conveniently I was right. He told me he was going to be coming for a week sometime after June 5th, but before the end of June. Less than a month. We spoke for another hour and the forever burning embers caught one small tree on fire, to ignite a forest fire that put any fire in California to shame.

It was more beautiful than ever to be able to say I Love You to him again. This reoccurring romance might have a chance to try to be more than a virtual forest fire. The only reason it's note-worthy is because we didn't break contact. This love has taken it's toll...

Innovation

I'm on my way to Outrage as we speak, I've missed it there.

Last night I thought about how amazing modern culture is. The idea of fashion, self-enhancement, transportation, communication, and daily rituals are only a few of the topics that held my thoughts. The idea that we are conveniently able to become self-proclaimed rock stars, is something people 150 years ago didn't even bother fantasizing about. This leads to the idea that with these aspects of life enhanced, we are able to better adapt to our social needs and desires.

When I was in the car in the middle of a text message, smoking a cigarette with my sunglasses on and the music blaring, I saw glamour. I live luxuriously. But now living luxuriously isn't so uncommon. The term luxe is now being defined through the everyday person.

Today I went on a field trip to see a one-man performance of Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. This only furthered my thought about the idea of the role that technology plays in developing social relationships. Written in the 1950's, this play showed me that human interaction will never change despite the growth of virtual relationships, or staying in tough via phone or Internet.

I may sound contradictory now, because I have friends that I only know on the Internet. I'm just saying how I comprehend that the Internet or the phone doesn't really make a relationship grow.... at all.

In sum, I want to say, I am grateful for the everyday fabulosity I get to experience. Technology has only allowed my dreams to grow to unimaginable heights. My dreams are as big as the ocean is deep. And my dreams becoming reality are as likely as God watching me as I type.

Relationship Drama

I have been called many names before, but over the course of the past few days, I've added a few more to the list. I'm not mean, really.

On Wednesday I went over to Ronnie's house. We decided that we weren't going to be too intimate because I still didn't feel well. And as we were cuddling, we were discussing how I said that he treated me like a dog ONE TIME. But he thought I meant that I meant all the time, even though I specifically said, "It's only when you say things like, 'Ya Heard?'"

That was only the beginning...

I'm not a fan of "picking and choosing" battles, because then things get swept under the rug. So as always do, I refused to back down no matter how upset he got. He started crying and handed me some load of crap like, "I don't want you to think I treat you like that. I can't help that I say that." Just don't keep doing it, it's as simple as that. He said it at least 5 times last night, but I ignored it.

These two girls told Ronnie that I'm "conceited" and "full of myself" before he met me, and he told me, "No offense, but I can see where they're coming from." O rly?

Yesterday, Ronnie and I had a better day because we cleared the air. It was wonderful. When we were walking down the street, these two kids on bikes stopped around ten feet in front of us, and said, "Is that two guys?" And Ronnie simply said, "Yes." And when they asked, "So you're homos?" Ronnie again replied, "Yes." The kids insisted we kiss, but Ronnie and I just laughed it off, and continued on our way.

I treat this kid like gold. I always say I love you first. I always hold his hand first. I always kiss him first. I always kiss him goodbye. I always tell him different romantic things when he says, "So, tell me something." Mind you, I absolutely detest when he says that, it makes me feel like I bore him.

The other night I fell asleep on the phone with my long time Internet friend Rene. That next day Rene posted on my facebook, "I think it's funny how you always fall asleep on the phone." Ronnie got all jealous. I LET RONNIE HANG OUT WITH HIS FUCKING EX BOYFRIEND, but he doesn't want me talking to a gay boy who lives in California, and I've never dated. Thinking this is absolutely ridiculous? I am.

I'm giving Ronnie until after Valentine's day (that's a long time) to cut it out. I don't like how our relationship fluctuates every other day. I'm disappointed.