The Rosary

As I put together my outfit this morning, Porcelain Black's song, This Is What Rock and Roll Looks Like was playing. I felt the need to embrace some of my past fashions. I wore all black with a studded belt. I had on a lot of jewelery and eye liner. To top off the look, I wore rosary beads that I bought when I went to Italy last year.

I went out the door like any other day. It really wasn't any different. I got a lot of compliments on how I looked, but that usually happens every day.

A friend of mine commented on the rosary beads which I wore around my neck. I had mentioned them because for some reason I held the beads in my hand often. I had thought about how it may be offensive and brought that up. She said that it was ignorant of me to wear rosary beads like a necklace as a fashion statement.

When I bought them, I thought of Madonna and how killer she looked when she wore them. It was a big deal when she wore them, but that was a million years ago. I didn't expect to get any reaction.

With this thought I was concerned. Was I being rude my wearing the beads?

I kept them on because I felt like there was no real reason to take them off. Through the rest of the day I was much more aware of their presence. While holding them in my French class I thought about what they represented. I believe in God, and that all of the stories in the Bible teach good morals. While I may question Jesus' existence, I don't think that his character (fictional or non-fictional) was poor in any way.

I remember when Mary was sick in the hospital and was dying. She had asked me to say the rosary every time I saw her. I was young at the time, and I did not want her to die. I would say the whole entire rosary every night for her. My faith was strong.

Although, I don't blame myself for her death, as my faith grew weaker when I got older, so did her health. When she passed, my faith was restored. All of that time I spent where I didn't acknowledge my faith was careless. I was living without purpose. I believe that death and birth come in pairs. With the death of her life came the birth of my stronger faith.

Wearing a rosary wasn't just a fashion statement. Faith isn't apparent at first glance. In wearing a rosary, I wore my faith close to my heart.

It's a shame, but I'm not wearing those rosary beads any time soon.

Artificial

The Nark is on full alert today during US History. She thinks I'm behaving in the computer lab doing as I'm supposed to. I'm just trying to prove her oblivion despite the fact the fact that she thinks she's like God in that she's all knowing.

She's standing and pacing around the room like she's so innocent, but she's not. I've seen and experienced her true colors. I know how she talks to her husband, and treats him like a second-class citizen. Marilyn has filled me in, and knowing how she was in Europe DOES NOT help her cause.

I know just how to get under her skin, so I have no problem deflecting her condescending attitude. She likes to be in power. I take her out of power to see her vulnerable because I know that is exactly what she doesn't want to be.

In school, I know I act similar to how Narcotics Police act. But I have different intent. I act how I do because it's who I am, but she does it for the reputation of for some kind of notoriety. She's a woman of God, and she follows the church--so you know there has to be a contradiction near by. Haha.

I have never needed a cigarette so bad in my life. School fucking stresses me out. I don't even have a pack right now, otherwise I'd "Go to the bathroom," and have a cigarette on the stage.

Innovation

I'm on my way to Outrage as we speak, I've missed it there.

Last night I thought about how amazing modern culture is. The idea of fashion, self-enhancement, transportation, communication, and daily rituals are only a few of the topics that held my thoughts. The idea that we are conveniently able to become self-proclaimed rock stars, is something people 150 years ago didn't even bother fantasizing about. This leads to the idea that with these aspects of life enhanced, we are able to better adapt to our social needs and desires.

When I was in the car in the middle of a text message, smoking a cigarette with my sunglasses on and the music blaring, I saw glamour. I live luxuriously. But now living luxuriously isn't so uncommon. The term luxe is now being defined through the everyday person.

Today I went on a field trip to see a one-man performance of Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. This only furthered my thought about the idea of the role that technology plays in developing social relationships. Written in the 1950's, this play showed me that human interaction will never change despite the growth of virtual relationships, or staying in tough via phone or Internet.

I may sound contradictory now, because I have friends that I only know on the Internet. I'm just saying how I comprehend that the Internet or the phone doesn't really make a relationship grow.... at all.

In sum, I want to say, I am grateful for the everyday fabulosity I get to experience. Technology has only allowed my dreams to grow to unimaginable heights. My dreams are as big as the ocean is deep. And my dreams becoming reality are as likely as God watching me as I type.