Three Things

The way I see it, there are three things that determine most of the satisfaction in one's life. Those three things would include occupation, quality of life, and relationships.

Currently I am still working at the GAP Outlet, and looking for a new job with more hours and more recognition and fairness. On August 8th, I had a job interview at Express in a larger mall. It was a group interview. I interviewed with 4 other girls, who were significantly under-qualified in comparison to me.

It wasn't until yesterday that they called me back to give me the good news that they wanted to hire me. I knew they would call, but there are other things going on that are keeping me stuck at the GAP. Thank goodness they they put me on a waiting list. The bad part, I lose the chance if I wait more than a month.

This is where we move onto quality of life. As you previously saw, I am dissatisfied with my job. My job is having a major impact on my quality of life. My hours are inconsistent therefore I never know how much money I will have coming in and what I will have extra or if I will even have what I need to pay my bills.

My car is falling apart on top of all of this, and I don't have any money to replace it at the time. I'm trying to get financed for a replacement but so far, no luck. I need to get a new job to get more money but I can't get a new job because there will be NO way of getting financed if I've only had a job for less than a year.

So at this point in my story I have a job that I hate and a chance to get a new job that I can't take but wish I could because it would improve my quality of life that is so low because of the dissatisfying job that I have. Keeping up? Hope so.

Relationships would be the last piece that determines the satisfaction in one's life. Some people might even argue that it can make everything better even when everything else if fucked up. I think I might believe that if it happened to me... but it hasn't.

Aneta is pissing me off in every direction, she's had this attitude since I turned 18 like, "Do it on your own." On the other hand Madame Dupont is such a lazy bitch that I can't bare to be home when she is. And just to throw it out there, they need to get it on already. Damn dikes.

Then we have Charles and his lover who now live together and bicker incessantly. They're driving me up a wall. They both come to me and talk shit about one another. They should just break up or stop being such catty queens. I can't handle the stress of lying to each of them when they ask if the other says the same things.

Stevenson is last. Stevenson is the reason that I haven't written lately. I feel as if he doesn't approve of this blog or anything that I have to say in it. I know the first time that I had mentioned him, it wasn't really in good context but who's fault is that? Not mine.

I haven't seen him in about two weeks which is a little frustrating but it's almost done and has passed quicker that I had expected. We've hardly spoken over these two weeks, and I don't really know why? OH WAIT! I DO! Because he ignores me. He said we'd skype, but that never happened even when I suggested it. He hasn't called me once, he's just bbm'd me infrequently. I can't even get a well written sentence (but his Facebook and Twitter can).

I thought that getting mad might make him see that he's fucking up... I was wrong. He apologized and the next day, things were the way I hoped they wouldn't be. Then I tried the opposite approach. I then told him not to text me until he came home, then after not speaking most of the day, I apologized to him letting him think he had me around his finger. That didn't work either.

Now here I sit writing this blog, while he thinks I'm sleeping because I'd rather just know why he's not talking to me. I found out a few other things that I would have liked to know sooner and he didn't seem to care about how I felt about that.

One might call my life chaotic, but this shit is just a straight up disaster. Everything is falling apart faster than I can build it back up. I'm putting so much effort forward and gritting my teeth, but I can't bare to be under this much pressure anymore.

I should really give up trying to satisfy all three pieces at the same time, but it would just be torture to myself if I let one keep getting worse in order to salvage another.

I'm just a real ass bitch in a fake ass world.

No Phone; No Life

Coming from your typical, media-obsessed, texting-addicted, teenager, it should come to no surprise that losing my phone has broken my life, and has made my life almost impossible to live.

I had the day off, this passed Friday. I decided I would take a trip to Amsterdam, to go see Ronnie. We had went to Outrage, and before going inside I had switched jackets. I had thought nothing of this until we had gotten inside and I realized I didn't have my phone on me. Once again, I thought nothing of if and figured it was in my car, and I carelessly left it there. Leaving Outrage, and getting in the car, we had searched like crazy, for my phone. Neither him nor I found my phone.

On a quick side note, I did not go see Ronnie, because we wanted to get back together. We hung out because we were both wicked horny, and wanted someone to grind on and make-out with. His kissing hasn't improved...

ANYWAY!

When I had gotten home, I tried to tray calm and collected about losing my phone, so Aneta and King Arthur wouldn't tease me about my reaction (although, I'm sure they're find something else to tease me about).

The next day, Charles' birthday (which he decided to get a hideous tattoo for), Charles informed me that Aneta was furious about the fact that I went to Outrage, then drove home. Um, hello?! I didn't drive until like 4 hours after. Allegedly, "it was obvious, that I wasn't able to drive." Are you kidding me really? But this pussy ass bitch didn't wanna mention it in front of Kind Arthur, so I brought it up for her.

They were both against me, and I didn't even hide that I went too Outrage. They both told me how unsafe it was, and asked me to promise to never do it again (even though I never did it in the first place).

Aneta always complains that everyone thinks she's dumb, and uninformed... but the thing is, she is. She opens her fat mouth before thinking, and just goes off of her gut, which completely lacks proof, logic, and common sense.

The past three days I have felt lost. I haven't really been sure what to do with myself, and I think I might actually study or something completely lame along those lines.

Aneta just said dinner is ready, she made one of my favorites because she knows I'm the Queen of grudges. She now knows that I'm a winner, and she knows that I can't be beat. She realized she was wrong, and since she won't admit it, it appears that she's kissing my ass after I got in trouble with her.

I'm just thankful that I lack a gut to go by.

Lock Me Up

Again being nice has gotten me nowhere, fast.

Today Charles had to drive me to school, because I let Madame Dupont borrow my car to go to the doctor. As always we were a little late to school, despite the fact that he know how much I hate to be late to school.

Anyways, he was also supposed to bring me home from school, because he needed me to take him to get his oil changed, and bring him to his boyfriend's after school. So I was going to do just that. I guess he just went to get his oil changed after school, and never came and go me, or let me know what was going on. Everyone got to see me wait in the rain as if I were some noob who doesn't have his own car, when in fact, I pay for my car entirely myself.

Madame Dupont picked me up from school since Charles is the most unreliable, asshole of a human being that has ever set food on this Earth.

I did something nice, I let Madame take the car, willingly too. I wasn't even mad that she needed it. But Charles had to rain on my parade.

I was so nice. SO FUCKING NICE.

I'm sick of being nice and getting nothing in return. I know I've done a lot of fucked up shit in the past, but for real? I've done plenty to make up for it, and gotten it handed back to me and then some. My horoscopes have also been very uplifting and delightful lately.

Whatever, whenever I get in a little argument with someone lately, I have to be the one to back down, which is completely out of character for me.

I want to dish it out so bad, like a big steaming pile of BITCH on a silver platter.

Saying things that don't exist.

Not Worth Europe

Today was an eventful day to say the least.

This evening, was King Arthur's Uncle's funeral. At the funeral Aneta seemed to be segregated... and he stayed with his family and left her alone all night. His family glared at her all night. To make a long story short she told him off. She then proceeded to drive home without him. His brother had to bring him to the house, and tonight he is spending the night at mommy's.

This evening after everyone left, Diane, Aneta, and I sat to watch The Ugly Truth, to get her mind off things.

During the movie Charles called yelling at me to get my name out of his mouth. Lately he's been spending all of his free time with his "straight" (meaning closeted) friend. Which I don't care about, I just don't understand why he won't tell anyone they're having an affair, or that he wants one at least. He even jumped up and down one night when he called--COME ON! He told me he heard everything Diane and I were "saying," which I actually didn't say anything. I wanted to talk to Diane about them so bad, BUT I knew she'd open her big mouth so I didn't say anything. And it's not like I could tell many other people because most of the people who know aren't anyone I'd want to chat about it with.

Then he told me he wasn't going to bring me to work anymore. And he said "He shouldn't have gone to Europe then!" while on the phone with Aneta. After he got off the phone, Aneta explained things. She told me that when she told me she'd let me go to Europe, that I had to choose between that and a car. SHE NEVER SAID THAT! She continued to say that the money she acquired was originally for a car, and she never said that. I am so nice when people give me stuff, if she told me it was intended for a car, then that's what I would have asked for.

And I mean this with every bit of my heart: if that had been the case, I would have gotten that car and signed a contract that I couldn't leave the country until I turned 50. I would give up everything from that perfect trip for a car. I have never regretted something as beautiful as the French countryside, The Italian Alps, Big Ben, even my new friends and Sebastien. I'd repeat the 11th grade if it meant I could change my decision.

I don't think I can ever look back on that trip the same way again. I never seem to make the right decisions despite how much of I pushover I am to my family. I don't even know how to take off this bulky invincible exterior and let someone in and be a real human being. I'm so tired of trying to be me... and failing every time.

P-O'd

This morning I woke up to a feeling on my face. If I remember correctly, I felt something crawling on my cheek, and I swatted at my own face several times. Then I felt it on my finger, and then I felt an extremely painful sting, or bite of some sort. At this point I'm flailing my arms, and now nothing is on my hands. I'm sitting up in my bed, and I can hear a bee buzzing. I shake out my sheets and run upstairs to attend to my finger. My left middle finger has doubled in size. I killed that mother fucking bumble bee that bit me. That's what you get for waking me up at 5:50AM.

Then I wore a t-shirt today because nothing fucking looks good on anymore. Not to mention my make up looks like fucking shit.

Then at school, no one seemed to be in a good mood. I got fucking yelled at in Art today for doing homework when people use his class as a study hall all the time. AND I'm ahead of EVERYONE on the current project. I was scrambling to get work done during classes all day, even during my lunch.

Later in the day, Mr. McWhite had to brag to the whole class how Stephanie was the only one who received a passing grade on the quiz from the day before. Too bad the diabetic cunt lied to him before class, and told him she had to go to the nurse to check her blood sugar, when she really wanted extra time to study for today's quiz. That bitch's mom is a lunch lady and her dad is a mechanic, she's not going anywhere in life. Go into a diabetic coma plz?

Mr. McWhite, you are the most obnoxious, oblivious, instigator I've ever met in my whole entire life. Go to hell.

Then at work, this arrogant prick, Bovan, did NO work. Another associate and I ended up doing most of his run backs, and helping him fold down his sections of the store. Do your damn job, and don't you dare for one second condescend to me about not getting GAP Cards. I may not get GAP Cards, but at least I can manage my time and prioritize how I'm asked, you inefficient fuck. The douche bag doesn't even know that everyone knows that he's hooking with Stacy, the second assistant manager. The jewelery store bitch told everyone she saw you two kissing in the parking lot--real classy!

My finger is almost completely back to normal not, And I'm fucking scared to sleep in my own bed because of damn bumble bees. There better be something good on TV, because I will kill myself if there isn't.

Ill, Yet Optimistic

I've been sick for a few days. It's been terrible. I have to work from six to ten tonight. I've worked 4 days in a row, I'm not used to it. I haven't seen Ronnie in a week as of today.

My nose has been conjested completely to the point that I can't even breathe out of my nose at times. At other times it's so runny that I feel like the world can see my nose turning into a waterfall. People can tell in how I act and how I look that I'm sick--it's pissing me off.

On Saturday night, Charles, Diane, Diane's sister, Abby, and myself along with other regulars at Outrage, went out to a Chinese Food Buffet when I got out of work. I was the only thin one. We went to Outrage after.

Sunday night at work was Derek's last day at work. He was moving back to Brazil, where he went to college. I had discussed what Brazil was like with him before. He has a girlfriend back there, I think it's adorable. Here I am, seeing how people CAN stand the test of time. I feel as if I am that person, I possess the patience.

Later on in my shift, I was chatting with Stacy. She is just as sick as me, and has the same opinions of it. She doesn't want people to treat her differently, or look at her differently just because she's got a cold.

I woke up late this morning, I wouldn't have been late to school if I weren't so high maintenance.

School today felt odd because it was rainy and dark all day. I ran sign-ups for the blood drive at school today. I have little homework, and as of Friday I am officially 5/8 of the way done with high school. I take the English Regents tomorrow and the next day, which will be a piece of cake.

I just had dinner. I'm going to get ready for work, and when I get home I'll just call Ronnie and go to bed. I think all I need is a little rest.

Sex & Co.

On Tuesday evening my boyfriend, Ronnie came over. He met Aneta and Charles, and had dinner with us. It was a perfect evening.

That day at school was a long one, as I described to you before. I was exhausted, and felt like nothing in this whole world could turn around my day. Little did I know that I would be proved wrong.

When Ronnie got here, it was 5PM. He has gotten here late because his sister, Sammi, was still a little unsure of how to get to my house. I had been waiting at the door for a few minutes, when he arrived. When he walked in, I took his coat, and Aneta was there so I couldn't kiss him immediately. As soon as she left, I embraced his kiss.

We went down stairs for a little while. We chatted about my room, our days, and how we felt about one another. Once that was out of the way, we cuddled and watched some TV. That led to kissing, and clothing removal. He slowly unbuttoned my red, plaid shirt as he straddled me, topless. Our pants were off in the blink of an eye, and before I knew it I could feel my dick against his as we kissed. I could feel my skin against his.

I felt his dick, uncircumcised; which I don't normally go for, but I thought it was really sexy. I performed some oral sex which put him in pure ecstasy. He loved it. He pushed my head down as he moaned. He came quickly. I'm good at what I do... what can I say.

After that he was going to start me off, but we had to go eat dinner. Aneta made Chicken Parm, it was delicious.

When we went back to my room clothes flew and sexual tension was through the roof. He offered to suck me off, but I declined, because I knew I could get more. He offered to have sex even though we were going to wait. Let me tell you, I fucked him real good. He was just as into it as I was. It was perfect sex. Later that night I blew him a second time--now he's thoroughly impressed.

Charles brought him home and we went to Taco Bell before that for a little snack. I kissed him goodnight outside his apartment. From the second his lips left mine, I missed him.

No, I'm not in love. But for the first time I think I might be on my way...

Greetings, Gays, and the GAP.

This evening at the GAP was one of the best nights I think I've ever had. Being after the holidays, the store happened to be in great condition, and I was closing for the first time in a while. A guy named Christian who had started there when he was my age, and one of the best managers there, Stacy, were closing with me. I looked fabulous and my make-up was still as fresh as it was at 1, when I came in. I also had a surprise lunch with Beyonce, better known as Sasha Fierce.

Initially when meeting Christian, I didn't like how he could give me a taste of my own sarcasm. He was cute too, but not as put together as myself. We warmed up to one another quickly after. I am slightly bothered that Stacy might like him more, and she liked me before he came back. We made fun of a woman in a wheel chair who wore sunglasses, and planned to bomb the store in the fitting rooms after closing. But meeting Christian was like meeting myself, gay and all--but not the current man of interest surprisingly.

Earlier in the day, around 3 or 4, I was just floating on the floor making sure things were tidy, and up to par. I was then approached by a woman who I remembered because she came in with a really cute, apparently gay, boy, who had a blond Mohawk, which to my surprise is multicultural, if you know what I mean. After establishing the fact that I'm gay (which was the hardest, and to me funniest, part for his friend Naomi), she asked for my number for him. Since he didn't approach me himself, I left him with my name to look me up on facebook. Haha, Internet, thanks for letting me establish a relationship from a distance. We will call this boy Ronnie.

I looked amazing today also. Despite being as sick as a dog, my style and visage were right on target. I looked great, my make-up was nice and smooth, my freshly washed outfit was crisp and flawless, they were painted on me with masculine precision. Everyone noticed, and realized, it was nice.

I hung out with Diane, and went to Outrage, it would have been better had Charles been home. But we had fun for the most part. I saw Ronnie on Facebook, and he has his nipples pierced which is a little off, but his tummy is so smooth, I'm gonna get him quick and easy. And I don't even know if I want to see Christian again, I love and hate him. I just know he's equally confident, which won't work, because I need to be that one in the relationship, but he's fucking fine as hell! I'm still in Outrage now, Diane left, and Charles is on his way I think, but he probably works tomorrow.

That's the GREAT DAY of Greetings, Gays and the GAP.