Whenever I'm in the process of having a bad day, I think to myself, someday I'll be fabulous and my life will be my way, perfect, without outside interference.
Today after school, I had a Leo Club meeting. I asked Charles to pick me up, since I knew he was going to bring Penelope home anyways. He brought his friend Carissa home too, so I figured he would bring me home before he went to Carissa's. He refused, it was HARDLY out of the way. It was on the way if anything. He made me go with him, and hang out at Carissa's for two hours! What if there were things I wanted to do?! That's inconsiderate of you, Charles.
But I thought, I know I'll grow from this someday, and be fabulous like I previously stated.
On Sunday night, I spent the night at my Boyfriend's house. We tried to have sex for the first time with me doing "the work." I didn't enjoy it at first. Eventually, I got into it. So I figured I get him to do my favorite position. From that position, I was in more pain; I felt nauseous.
I thought to myself, I know I'll be looser eventually, and never feel this pain again, and be the ideal fabulous sex partner.
At lunch everyday I see myself: so flawless that he looks out of place when he's in high school. I know that's what people are thinking. Why is he sitting with them. I'm sitting there being the coolest, and we all know it. But when we talk, they still act like losers and embarrass me because they're so loud, and obscure.
I get through it by knowing that someday, I'll reselect new friends who will always be who I want around, tolerable. The perfect, flawless, puppet-doll friend.
So when I tell you my hardships, you'll understand what I've been waiting for my whole life. I'm waiting for my life to finally start. I don't just want a life, I want THE life.