I've always known that I'm a generally aggressive person. I acknowledge the fact that I displace and suppress a lot of my anger, hate, and rage, in order to have better social interactions.
Today in Art Class, my teacher questioned me, "Why do you cuss so much?"
I was quick to excuse my crude vocabulary with, "If people didn't piss me off so much, I wouldn't have a reason to curse." I tend to think that I'm easily agitated. Now I'm sitting here thinking that maybe people are just stupid. Isn't that so disgustingly vain of me?
For the rest of the day after being questioned, I thought about who I'm usually mean towards and who I share my true sources of hate with. I'm mean to everyone, really. I'm mean to some of my coworkers, my friends at school, and the people I live with. The people who I'm NOT mean to though--those seem to be the far-and-few-between who don't piss me off.
If for some reason, there is a person who pisses me off and for one reason, or another and just can't help but piss me the fuck off, I just channel all that rage into something else. When this happens, I notice that I start to hate myself. It comes in many forms. It ranges anywhere from feeling fat or ugly, or even under-measuring my successes.
To branch out on another note--I noticed that although "people" piss me off, it's not their fault. A lot of the time I'm jealous, I want what they have.
So I guess "life's a bitch, and then you die."
It should be, "life's a bitch, and then you live miserable."
I was about to start a sentence with "Now I know that..." and then I realized that I have NO idea what I'm talking about. I sat and thought, "What the hell do I know?"
I just need realize that life isn't fair. I have to get the fuck over it and stop being so damn mean.