Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking about the word SLUT. Yes, a word defined as a woman with morals of a man (1).
I've always wanted to be some kind of whore, tramp, hussy, trollop, or slut. I've always wanted to be that wanted. I've always wanted to be so obviously wanted, just by my aesthetic and reputation. Unfortunately, I feel no need to stray away from who I am or my look. It's not in the cards for me, unlike most gay men.
I've always been allowed to express myself. I can look on an old polaroid from pre-school. I can see the day exactly. We had a discussion about bunnies, and we all went around and said something about them. I said, "Bunnies like to hop." I can only imagine how bad my lisp was before I hit puberty.
The teacher (who was ironically a whore herself, proven by the fact that when I was in 4th grade, she was fired for sleeping with the new, married, Principal) posted these quotes with polaroid pictures of us all standing on a step-stool. In the photo I'm grinning huge. I have my hands folded on one knee, which was raised. I was wearing a white undershirt, that fit a little too snug, as a regular shirt. I had on baby blue shorts that went half-way down the thigh, and knee-high socks with a purple and green stripe on the top, and Barney on the side.
Looking back, I think: I've always been gay.
I've always been obsessed with fashion, and I was always encouraged to be if I so wanted. I loved 3LW and Kelly Clarkson. I would practice singing. All of my friends in the neighborhood were girls. I played with Bratz dolls. C'MON.
Everyone always knew I was, I just didn't give official confirmation until I was in 6th grade, when I was introduced to public school and learned about sex. I told my friends I was sexually interested in men. It was like history. I think the only reason gay men go through a "slut-stage" is because they need to suppress their sexual desires for the least bit of time. Seeing as how I never had to do that, I've completely avoided this stereotype.
As bad as I want to be a whore, I'm glad that I come off as a stuck-up, cold-hearted, disinterested bitch, and completely unapproachable.
I'm a five-star fag, would you expect anything less?