This morning I woke up to a feeling on my face. If I remember correctly, I felt something crawling on my cheek, and I swatted at my own face several times. Then I felt it on my finger, and then I felt an extremely painful sting, or bite of some sort. At this point I'm flailing my arms, and now nothing is on my hands. I'm sitting up in my bed, and I can hear a bee buzzing. I shake out my sheets and run upstairs to attend to my finger. My left middle finger has doubled in size. I killed that mother fucking bumble bee that bit me. That's what you get for waking me up at 5:50AM.
Then I wore a t-shirt today because nothing fucking looks good on anymore. Not to mention my make up looks like fucking shit.
Then at school, no one seemed to be in a good mood. I got fucking yelled at in Art today for doing homework when people use his class as a study hall all the time. AND I'm ahead of EVERYONE on the current project. I was scrambling to get work done during classes all day, even during my lunch.
Later in the day, Mr. McWhite had to brag to the whole class how Stephanie was the only one who received a passing grade on the quiz from the day before. Too bad the diabetic cunt lied to him before class, and told him she had to go to the nurse to check her blood sugar, when she really wanted extra time to study for today's quiz. That bitch's mom is a lunch lady and her dad is a mechanic, she's not going anywhere in life. Go into a diabetic coma plz?
Mr. McWhite, you are the most obnoxious, oblivious, instigator I've ever met in my whole entire life. Go to hell.
Then at work, this arrogant prick, Bovan, did NO work. Another associate and I ended up doing most of his run backs, and helping him fold down his sections of the store. Do your damn job, and don't you dare for one second condescend to me about not getting GAP Cards. I may not get GAP Cards, but at least I can manage my time and prioritize how I'm asked, you inefficient fuck. The douche bag doesn't even know that everyone knows that he's hooking with Stacy, the second assistant manager. The jewelery store bitch told everyone she saw you two kissing in the parking lot--real classy!
My finger is almost completely back to normal not, And I'm fucking scared to sleep in my own bed because of damn bumble bees. There better be something good on TV, because I will kill myself if there isn't.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
More Than A Hobby
Over the past several months I've been thinking more and more about college and what I really want to do with my life. At this point I have my eyes set on one school, LIM College. It's a smaller school located in the Upper East Side of Manhattan. LIM is the only school that is 100% fashion related. Not one of their majors is unrelated to fashion. Last night at work I realized that a career in fashion isn't a question anymore, it's definite.
When I was at work, I was stationed in the adults section to fold all night and greet, as well as assist customers. One customer needed my assistance with denim, one of my favorite items to help people shop for due to it's price tag along with how picky people are with it. She was, tan, and thin, and looked like she was in her mid 40s.
I helped her on the floor, and she was impressed. I asked Stacy to keep her eye on her in the fitting room, because I knew she was the kind of person who would want a second opinion. Then Hugh came and said, "I'll watch Adults if you want to go help her personally," despite his normally cold, manager ways. I was so excited to basically be some one's personal shopper, and tell them if they look like shit or not.
I went back, and the woman had to have had tried on 15 pairs of jeans in her venture. She fell in love with the boot cut, which she only tired on because I encouraged it. She had just lost 25lbs she told me, and it felt great to make someone feel great about their image anyways, let alone that she has a new found confidence in her image.
As Stacy finished with her at the cash wrap, Stacy told me over the walkie that she was really impressed with me, and was glad I was there to help, and that made me feel great. Before I had time to think, the customer, was leaving the store, I said to her, "Have a good one."
She thanked me profusely and told me, "You're in the right place, you really know what you're talking about."
In that instant I really realized that style isn't just something I obsess about, and it's not something I'm infatuated with. It's embedded in my brain, it's encoded in my genetics. I couldn't be more excited to apply to colleges in the fall. For the first time in my life, I can really see what I want for my future without any questions asked.
When I was at work, I was stationed in the adults section to fold all night and greet, as well as assist customers. One customer needed my assistance with denim, one of my favorite items to help people shop for due to it's price tag along with how picky people are with it. She was, tan, and thin, and looked like she was in her mid 40s.
I helped her on the floor, and she was impressed. I asked Stacy to keep her eye on her in the fitting room, because I knew she was the kind of person who would want a second opinion. Then Hugh came and said, "I'll watch Adults if you want to go help her personally," despite his normally cold, manager ways. I was so excited to basically be some one's personal shopper, and tell them if they look like shit or not.
I went back, and the woman had to have had tried on 15 pairs of jeans in her venture. She fell in love with the boot cut, which she only tired on because I encouraged it. She had just lost 25lbs she told me, and it felt great to make someone feel great about their image anyways, let alone that she has a new found confidence in her image.
As Stacy finished with her at the cash wrap, Stacy told me over the walkie that she was really impressed with me, and was glad I was there to help, and that made me feel great. Before I had time to think, the customer, was leaving the store, I said to her, "Have a good one."
She thanked me profusely and told me, "You're in the right place, you really know what you're talking about."
In that instant I really realized that style isn't just something I obsess about, and it's not something I'm infatuated with. It's embedded in my brain, it's encoded in my genetics. I couldn't be more excited to apply to colleges in the fall. For the first time in my life, I can really see what I want for my future without any questions asked.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Artificial
The Nark is on full alert today during US History. She thinks I'm behaving in the computer lab doing as I'm supposed to. I'm just trying to prove her oblivion despite the fact the fact that she thinks she's like God in that she's all knowing.
She's standing and pacing around the room like she's so innocent, but she's not. I've seen and experienced her true colors. I know how she talks to her husband, and treats him like a second-class citizen. Marilyn has filled me in, and knowing how she was in Europe DOES NOT help her cause.
I know just how to get under her skin, so I have no problem deflecting her condescending attitude. She likes to be in power. I take her out of power to see her vulnerable because I know that is exactly what she doesn't want to be.
In school, I know I act similar to how Narcotics Police act. But I have different intent. I act how I do because it's who I am, but she does it for the reputation of for some kind of notoriety. She's a woman of God, and she follows the church--so you know there has to be a contradiction near by. Haha.
I have never needed a cigarette so bad in my life. School fucking stresses me out. I don't even have a pack right now, otherwise I'd "Go to the bathroom," and have a cigarette on the stage.
She's standing and pacing around the room like she's so innocent, but she's not. I've seen and experienced her true colors. I know how she talks to her husband, and treats him like a second-class citizen. Marilyn has filled me in, and knowing how she was in Europe DOES NOT help her cause.
I know just how to get under her skin, so I have no problem deflecting her condescending attitude. She likes to be in power. I take her out of power to see her vulnerable because I know that is exactly what she doesn't want to be.
In school, I know I act similar to how Narcotics Police act. But I have different intent. I act how I do because it's who I am, but she does it for the reputation of for some kind of notoriety. She's a woman of God, and she follows the church--so you know there has to be a contradiction near by. Haha.
I have never needed a cigarette so bad in my life. School fucking stresses me out. I don't even have a pack right now, otherwise I'd "Go to the bathroom," and have a cigarette on the stage.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Europe III
This is my third and final blog on my trip to Europe. We move on to romance...
It was in JFK, that I first met Sebastien, who is Marilyn's cousin. He was clearly aware he looked good seeing as he flipped his hair when he came over. I knew the only to intrigue him is if I was the only one not interested in him. So I waited for him to introduce himself, or have Marilyn do it. He wanted to be my friend, because I seemed to be on his wavelength (when in all honesty, I think mine is slightly above his).
We became friends in London, when on the way to Piccadilly Circus. He stole my camera to take pictures, and he took the fist picture IN EUROPE with my camera. It was cute, but overbearing. Over the next few days it was just some gay jokes that progressively got more serious--on both sides, and increasing amounts of conversation.
We roomed together in Florence, with Aaren. We sat up and spoke all night. We even chatted while in our underwear (getting dresses, but that doesn't sound as good) before we got ready to go to the Club.
The next day we got gelato, I remember, I got mint, and he got coffee. I told him that I almost got the same flavor. He said do you want a taste. Here I am thinking that I have to use my spoon... he lifted some up. For some reason, I said You can try mine as well. I don't even know why I acted this way to be honest. And we fed one another gelato on the streets of Italy. There were several other times too. It's a shame that no one could have documented it.
While at dinner in Assisi, he tried to kiss me over a plate of spaghetti, and I realized that this was all too perfect.
One the last night, in Rome. Sebastien roomed down the hall. After I made him over that night into perfection, he was supposed to get settled down for the night then come to my room to hang out. He never showed up and went to go see where he was and he wasn't in his room. I found out he instead went to Brittany's room. I went into Liz and Samantha's room, to look out the window, into their room, and I saw them kissing on the bed! I got upset and Gretta, and Marilyn comforted me. While comforting me I formed a scheme.
I knew how Sebastien would act. So from there I told Gretta and Marilyn to act like they hadn't seen me since room check. I went back to Liz and Samantha's room and told them to interrupt them and say I looked in the room and got really upset and left. I told Aaren to say he thought I was in Sebastien's room. I stayed in the Southern Girls' room, and hid in their closet. Everything went according to plan. But after not finding me for 20 minutes, he went back to Brittany's room. I went to "bed" and had Aaren interrupt again and say he found me...
Sebastien came in and "woke me up" and wanted to talk to me, we went and sat in the lobby and chatted for quite some time. I told him how I felt about him, and how I know I don't want to like him. And he was like telling me he's not gay at all. BUT HE TOTALLY IS. He basically broke my heart, and I think it was because I made it seem like I didn't wanna like him, when secretly I totally just wanted to get married right then and there.
We hung out in the Airport the whole time on the way back home. And probably would have on the plane, but I needed time with Marilyn more. We even got money exchanged just so we could bet espressos in LHR. When we were back in JFK, things really seemed different. It was the first place we ever met. We went to Starbucks together and got cinnamon scones, and he got a coffee with it. I told him how cinnamon scones were my favorite, and he told me, "I'll never be able to forget that now," and giggled while he took a bite
When I first said goodbye to him I gave him half a hug which was more than a friendly bro hug. And after the goodbye chit chat, and he had to walk the other way to his car, it felt like he looked into my soul when he said goodbye. From there until we got on the bus, I didn't look back. And when I was getting on the bus I actually looked, and he was no where to be found. I think it was best that I never know whether he looked back or not after.
It was in JFK, that I first met Sebastien, who is Marilyn's cousin. He was clearly aware he looked good seeing as he flipped his hair when he came over. I knew the only to intrigue him is if I was the only one not interested in him. So I waited for him to introduce himself, or have Marilyn do it. He wanted to be my friend, because I seemed to be on his wavelength (when in all honesty, I think mine is slightly above his).
We became friends in London, when on the way to Piccadilly Circus. He stole my camera to take pictures, and he took the fist picture IN EUROPE with my camera. It was cute, but overbearing. Over the next few days it was just some gay jokes that progressively got more serious--on both sides, and increasing amounts of conversation.
We roomed together in Florence, with Aaren. We sat up and spoke all night. We even chatted while in our underwear (getting dresses, but that doesn't sound as good) before we got ready to go to the Club.
The next day we got gelato, I remember, I got mint, and he got coffee. I told him that I almost got the same flavor. He said do you want a taste. Here I am thinking that I have to use my spoon... he lifted some up. For some reason, I said You can try mine as well. I don't even know why I acted this way to be honest. And we fed one another gelato on the streets of Italy. There were several other times too. It's a shame that no one could have documented it.
While at dinner in Assisi, he tried to kiss me over a plate of spaghetti, and I realized that this was all too perfect.
One the last night, in Rome. Sebastien roomed down the hall. After I made him over that night into perfection, he was supposed to get settled down for the night then come to my room to hang out. He never showed up and went to go see where he was and he wasn't in his room. I found out he instead went to Brittany's room. I went into Liz and Samantha's room, to look out the window, into their room, and I saw them kissing on the bed! I got upset and Gretta, and Marilyn comforted me. While comforting me I formed a scheme.
I knew how Sebastien would act. So from there I told Gretta and Marilyn to act like they hadn't seen me since room check. I went back to Liz and Samantha's room and told them to interrupt them and say I looked in the room and got really upset and left. I told Aaren to say he thought I was in Sebastien's room. I stayed in the Southern Girls' room, and hid in their closet. Everything went according to plan. But after not finding me for 20 minutes, he went back to Brittany's room. I went to "bed" and had Aaren interrupt again and say he found me...
Sebastien came in and "woke me up" and wanted to talk to me, we went and sat in the lobby and chatted for quite some time. I told him how I felt about him, and how I know I don't want to like him. And he was like telling me he's not gay at all. BUT HE TOTALLY IS. He basically broke my heart, and I think it was because I made it seem like I didn't wanna like him, when secretly I totally just wanted to get married right then and there.
We hung out in the Airport the whole time on the way back home. And probably would have on the plane, but I needed time with Marilyn more. We even got money exchanged just so we could bet espressos in LHR. When we were back in JFK, things really seemed different. It was the first place we ever met. We went to Starbucks together and got cinnamon scones, and he got a coffee with it. I told him how cinnamon scones were my favorite, and he told me, "I'll never be able to forget that now," and giggled while he took a bite
When I first said goodbye to him I gave him half a hug which was more than a friendly bro hug. And after the goodbye chit chat, and he had to walk the other way to his car, it felt like he looked into my soul when he said goodbye. From there until we got on the bus, I didn't look back. And when I was getting on the bus I actually looked, and he was no where to be found. I think it was best that I never know whether he looked back or not after.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Europe II
This blog on Europe will tell you about some of the new friends I made.
Since I've already told you about Marilyn in the past, I don't see any point in elaborating on the ridiculously unhealthy amount of fun we had. I even told her mom (also my US History teacher), The Nark, what a queef was, and I didn't even offend her. Marilyn and I had a great time taking pictures in the shadows of Italy, and searching for dress shops. We gallivanted through a romantic park in Paris as if we were a couple and smoked a cigarette. She and I will always have one thing in common--disliking The Midwest due to it's boring landscape.
Next on the agenda would be Gretta. She and I bonded the whole time. She looks like she stepped straight out of Eastern Europe. We made fun of the world and endlessly called each other perfect. When we were in Italy, people who were selling faux leather jackets kept trying to sell them to her. I pretended to be her boyfriend to one guy, and he said, "I'll give you 2 free coats, and you'll be my girlfriend!" Another offered her 50% off. And we were joking about 100% off, another vendor offered her 150% off. They were going to pay her to take the fucking coat!
Third I have Brittany. She is from Newfoundland. She clicked with me immediately, we went for late night strolls in each neighborhood to smoke with her friend. When we were on the overnight train, I was feeling homesick, and she sat in my bunk with me for a couple of hours, and talked with me. We really got to open up to one another. Unfortunately in the in, she ended up disappointing me.
Then we have Aaren, oh Aaren. He was quite possibly the only straight man who I've ever enjoyed their company. He's a freshman, and he was interested in broadening his horizons and understanding the gay culture, he even smoked a cigarette with me, so he earned points there. He let me do his brows too! On the last night, he was bragging about his body to me, and let me feel every muscle of his body. And let me tell you, he is so fucking sexy, I can't up it in words. YUM!
Samantha and Liz were from Newfoundland like Brittany. You'll hear more about them in the next blog. But these girls are so sweet, they danced on a table in a club in Italy with me, and even built a fort in their hotel room with me.
Last if Sebastien, but he's basically the whole theme of my next blog on ROMANCE.
Since I've already told you about Marilyn in the past, I don't see any point in elaborating on the ridiculously unhealthy amount of fun we had. I even told her mom (also my US History teacher), The Nark, what a queef was, and I didn't even offend her. Marilyn and I had a great time taking pictures in the shadows of Italy, and searching for dress shops. We gallivanted through a romantic park in Paris as if we were a couple and smoked a cigarette. She and I will always have one thing in common--disliking The Midwest due to it's boring landscape.
Next on the agenda would be Gretta. She and I bonded the whole time. She looks like she stepped straight out of Eastern Europe. We made fun of the world and endlessly called each other perfect. When we were in Italy, people who were selling faux leather jackets kept trying to sell them to her. I pretended to be her boyfriend to one guy, and he said, "I'll give you 2 free coats, and you'll be my girlfriend!" Another offered her 50% off. And we were joking about 100% off, another vendor offered her 150% off. They were going to pay her to take the fucking coat!
Third I have Brittany. She is from Newfoundland. She clicked with me immediately, we went for late night strolls in each neighborhood to smoke with her friend. When we were on the overnight train, I was feeling homesick, and she sat in my bunk with me for a couple of hours, and talked with me. We really got to open up to one another. Unfortunately in the in, she ended up disappointing me.
Then we have Aaren, oh Aaren. He was quite possibly the only straight man who I've ever enjoyed their company. He's a freshman, and he was interested in broadening his horizons and understanding the gay culture, he even smoked a cigarette with me, so he earned points there. He let me do his brows too! On the last night, he was bragging about his body to me, and let me feel every muscle of his body. And let me tell you, he is so fucking sexy, I can't up it in words. YUM!
Samantha and Liz were from Newfoundland like Brittany. You'll hear more about them in the next blog. But these girls are so sweet, they danced on a table in a club in Italy with me, and even built a fort in their hotel room with me.
Last if Sebastien, but he's basically the whole theme of my next blog on ROMANCE.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Europe I
In a series of three blogs of my 10 day long trip to Europe, this is my first. This blog will discuss the literal experience.
When I went to the Airport, JFK, the reality really began to sit in. It felt as if all of these months of waiting and anticipating were really worth it. When we got to the airport I was informed that I could only have one luggage, there I combined both of mine into one. The seven hour flight, which was actually 12, due to flying 5 hours into the future had me itching with European fever.
We arrived in LHR, and it was beautiful, despite a 2 hour delay because we had to re-fuel, and there was a fire in the tower we were supposed to get off the plane at.
Once arriving in London, at LHR we went to our hotel to get situated. I set up the room and roomed with some strangers on out trip from North Carolina--Rat Boy and Neanderthal. I claimed a king size bed to myself, despite that I'm only a queen. We went to the most beautiful and neatest places in London. We had traditional food every night which was divine. Piccadilly Circus and Buckingham Palace (we even got to see the Changing of the guards!) had to be my favorite, but seeing Bid Bed, and the House of Parliament in person gave me chills when in their presence.
After 3 days in London, we went via Chunnell (the subway which goes under the English Channel) to Paris. We went straight to touring. It was perfect. It was everything I thought and dreamt it would be and more. We saw the Cathedral of Notre Dame, and there was this perfect garden to it's right if your facing the front. I had a cigarette there, and felt so at home. We saw the Eiffel Tower, went to La Louvre, and even went for a cruise on the Seine. Again, the food was out of this world. I roomed with people I knew this time, so I felt more comfortable in that sense.
Instead of a third night in Paris then leaving like we did in London, we took an overnight train to Italy. The train took us on a 7 hour voyage into yet another Time Zone. Upon arrival in Milan, we hopped on yet another train to get to Florence. There in the prettiest place thus far, we went to places too good for words. We also went to Assisi and it was the most romantic, out-of-a-movie place I'd ever been to. With St. Francis Basilica at it's geographical center, it was a sight to see. Thirdly, we saw Rome, the Colosseum, the ruins, the Trevi Fountain--the whole nine yards. I made a wish, and snuck in a cigarette too, suck on that! The Hotel in Florence was my favorite hands down though.
I looked like the missing piece of the puzzle in each city. Being there made me so happy, and despite that I did miss my family at one point, I would kill to go again. I won't forget a single second of this trip as long as I live.
When I went to the Airport, JFK, the reality really began to sit in. It felt as if all of these months of waiting and anticipating were really worth it. When we got to the airport I was informed that I could only have one luggage, there I combined both of mine into one. The seven hour flight, which was actually 12, due to flying 5 hours into the future had me itching with European fever.
We arrived in LHR, and it was beautiful, despite a 2 hour delay because we had to re-fuel, and there was a fire in the tower we were supposed to get off the plane at.
Once arriving in London, at LHR we went to our hotel to get situated. I set up the room and roomed with some strangers on out trip from North Carolina--Rat Boy and Neanderthal. I claimed a king size bed to myself, despite that I'm only a queen. We went to the most beautiful and neatest places in London. We had traditional food every night which was divine. Piccadilly Circus and Buckingham Palace (we even got to see the Changing of the guards!) had to be my favorite, but seeing Bid Bed, and the House of Parliament in person gave me chills when in their presence.
After 3 days in London, we went via Chunnell (the subway which goes under the English Channel) to Paris. We went straight to touring. It was perfect. It was everything I thought and dreamt it would be and more. We saw the Cathedral of Notre Dame, and there was this perfect garden to it's right if your facing the front. I had a cigarette there, and felt so at home. We saw the Eiffel Tower, went to La Louvre, and even went for a cruise on the Seine. Again, the food was out of this world. I roomed with people I knew this time, so I felt more comfortable in that sense.
Instead of a third night in Paris then leaving like we did in London, we took an overnight train to Italy. The train took us on a 7 hour voyage into yet another Time Zone. Upon arrival in Milan, we hopped on yet another train to get to Florence. There in the prettiest place thus far, we went to places too good for words. We also went to Assisi and it was the most romantic, out-of-a-movie place I'd ever been to. With St. Francis Basilica at it's geographical center, it was a sight to see. Thirdly, we saw Rome, the Colosseum, the ruins, the Trevi Fountain--the whole nine yards. I made a wish, and snuck in a cigarette too, suck on that! The Hotel in Florence was my favorite hands down though.
I looked like the missing piece of the puzzle in each city. Being there made me so happy, and despite that I did miss my family at one point, I would kill to go again. I won't forget a single second of this trip as long as I live.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Crue
For a few weeks now, when I'm on my break at work, I wonder the mall. I always make sure I can make my way into K-mart because of Crue, a beautiful, gorgeous man.
While Diane and I were walking the mall, we went to K-mart of make a purchase. I just wanted an XXX Vitamin Water. I made the mistake of pointing out my immense crush on Crue. She teased, and threatened to tell him, and ask his number for me. But I threatened her back effectively.
I went to the register to pay, and Diane and I were discussing him. The outspoken associate piped up and said, "Are you talking about someone who works here?" Diane immediately said no, but I admitted it to her. It seemed harmless.
I had grabbed her interest immediately. I didn't know his name, so I began to describe him. I said, the tall, tan, slender one by customer service. She asked about him by name, and I was curious, she told me his name was Crue. I was so happy to finally know his name. Diane begged the associate, who's name tag read Gene, to tell him. She giggled with the excitement she so rarely sees involving work.
I asked her, desperately, not to say a word. She told me she wouldn't. As Diane and I walked out I saw her talking to him, and him looking back. I felt like I ruined all chances with him, I woulds never be able to go to his checkout again.
Gene, I hope we may be able to become friends, you're really cool. And thanks for telling him for me because she taught me not to be afraid to open up. I just want to be more forward about all of my feelings and emotions.
Crue, I look forward to seeing your beautiful face during my break on Sunday.
While Diane and I were walking the mall, we went to K-mart of make a purchase. I just wanted an XXX Vitamin Water. I made the mistake of pointing out my immense crush on Crue. She teased, and threatened to tell him, and ask his number for me. But I threatened her back effectively.
I went to the register to pay, and Diane and I were discussing him. The outspoken associate piped up and said, "Are you talking about someone who works here?" Diane immediately said no, but I admitted it to her. It seemed harmless.
I had grabbed her interest immediately. I didn't know his name, so I began to describe him. I said, the tall, tan, slender one by customer service. She asked about him by name, and I was curious, she told me his name was Crue. I was so happy to finally know his name. Diane begged the associate, who's name tag read Gene, to tell him. She giggled with the excitement she so rarely sees involving work.
I asked her, desperately, not to say a word. She told me she wouldn't. As Diane and I walked out I saw her talking to him, and him looking back. I felt like I ruined all chances with him, I woulds never be able to go to his checkout again.
Gene, I hope we may be able to become friends, you're really cool. And thanks for telling him for me because she taught me not to be afraid to open up. I just want to be more forward about all of my feelings and emotions.
Crue, I look forward to seeing your beautiful face during my break on Sunday.
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